Archive | July 2012

Wind Through Her Hair

To feel the wind in your hair as a child does giggling in the swing, oh what innocence held so tight in their hearts, knowing all to well as an adult that it won’t last long. They so sweetly believe what you tell them with open affection that only a child can possess not knowing in those first few years that they can use it against you in order to get what they want. Unfortunately they do learn this, like we all did.

Now that I am older wish that this hadn’t been learned and could see things as they are told without questioning when it comes to the Bible. There are so many questions that if they could only be removed from my mind so that I can learn with the two “P’s” Proper attitude and Perspective.

I question what I see and read wondering if it’s really there on the paper or in my mind and it’s so clear feel it is in the print but it can’t be because it lends towards the wrong direction. At times question why I didn’t know all of this as a child?

Growing Catholic I must have been fortunate because none of the horror stories you hear happened in our congregation and we had an excellent priest who I still believe taught me well, this also makes me feel that God has his people in all places. Father Ryan taught us that in order to ask forgiveness in confession we must first realize we need to stop doing the sin. He was the first priest who I heard say that, as a matter of fact he told everyone at the pulpit that if we are to ask The Lord for forgiveness, not once did I ever hear we ask him or the Pope. He stated quite clearly that we were not to step into the confessional without remorse for our transgressions, so I grew up believing The Lords sees all and so that is what concerned me most in those years. Yes I did things that I regrets on and more often than not did wonder if the deed would be worth it and it wasn’t the assigned Hail Mary’s that stopped me that I didn’t mind at all, I didn’t want God mad at me.

I miss those innocent days of believing what I do matters without questioning, go to service, repent the rituals gave me comfort in an ever changing life now I’m afraid to step foot in through it’s doors. Do see that it’s not healthy and quite possibly a sheep in wolves clothing. It’s not the place that I long for it’s the mind of the child that I want. It’s services were simple, knew what and how I was to respond, the hymns, the place that felt holy inside with the stain glass and the cross staring down at you with what you had done to Jesus Christ.  There was no way of walking in without feeling your guilt but at the same time understood His love.

I miss feeling the wind in my hair.

New Living Translation (©2007)
But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.”


lost Lamb

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I’m Stuck with Noah the Odd Couple

Having trouble with my usual bit that comes from aging. At these times would like to give it between the eyes to Eve for bringing this downfall on me, then I would have to kick myself because of me being me. So this picture here is me today and it’s not pretty.

Those clouds look great big puffy things that are trapping my desert community with humidity that is making hot flashes go crazy. Such bad timing mind you, cold days or even hot days because I don’t know if its me or the outdoors but when its cloudy I know all the sweating going on is coming from me! I feel like a used towel at the bottom of a pile in the gym room, stinky (yes I bathe today) and soggy.

Have trouble in reading it came to me if  I were to write it down, maybe hitting a key will hammer the lesson into my  head, been on Noah for too long. Me and Noah not that we can be compared which makes it an odd couple. He actually took action unlike me trimbles at any notion of taking action.

Though it’s a stretch in finding the right magic word that inspires other people from behaving in the manner in which they do, i.e. my sons, hasn’t been accomplished by me.

My lead for me on the photo blog yesterday, was by the paster  talking about how we’re to pray first of course but go out and catch others so that they may find Christ.

Me go out and lead others to Christ?

Haven’t been successful yet in getting one of my three sons to do the dishes and get them to believe in Jesus?

Sure all things are possible through Hin just haven’t  seen it coming through my hands, in others yes. Most of them are great talkers and very clever. Me the kid if there were a crack in the ground would disappear into it. I’d dig my way to China to avoid answering questions publicly and in church trust me no one even knows I’m there. They know Riley because she thank God is not shy.

With all my insecurites I tredge on and into the discussion on Noah and his family placed into an ark with the animals. The Lord actually does the closing of the door that has got to be gargantuan to keep them inside safe and the others outside to be destroyed. Here it is stated in:

Genesis 7:16

“And they went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God commanded him; and the Lord shut him in.”

I get it here and could actually understand why this move had to be made. I’ve had to remove plants that were weak in order for stronger ones to continue establising their roots the foundations against the storms that blow through their lives which is what makes them healthy. I’ve failed before in doing this and they all ended up sick eventually dying.

The ones outside were partying having a great time, never believing a word that Noah had said about redemption so they perished and now that the ark has settled into the dry land they are to multiply again and that is for me to bring more into the ark before this happens again and from what is gathered and I say gather because  I have remained in Chapter 8 of Genesis attached to Noah, you can imagine I haven’t read Revelations yet but in listening this is the place where those poor souls will be destroyed.

Don’t know if I’m stuck to Noah because it frightens that I am to save another soul when I fail to control my own hormonal issues long enough to connect  or memorize a passage. Or that it’s painful that if I do not reach my sons in time they too could be lost. And  you know people are going to suffer, like a prolonged cancer rotting away their bodies so cruelly that death by firing squad would be more humane. Now I do not know if my feelings are because of my issues or if its me just plain do not “feel” saved.

To be more honest I am plugging away at this just in hopes one day it feels right, even when I feel this lousy. May not make sense but that is the truth, I’m kind of the fate crasher at the private party., but the one thing I do know is my act has to get together and some of you are so much brighter and clever that you may see and feel what I am searching for just need a little guidance, Well that won’t come by me but here in my study guide references in using their words from a KJBible –  Luke 17:26-27 which sounds just like today, maybe it will redirect you.

” And as it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark and the flood came and destroyed them all”

So if this sounds like you and do hope that some of you do decide to follow the link on my blog yesterday because otherwise it might be too late.

Lost Lamb

Weekly Photo Challenge:Dreaming

My photo for the theme “ Dreaming”   

Is my nightly dreaming of hope being restored in America so that my grand-daughter can have the freedom that our country bravely fought for when dreaming the Declaration of Independence as quoted here:

“IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”

Since the day we began separating ourselves from Our Creator we have lost that dream which why we all now live with anxiety that is great, damaging our children, our grandchildren, bringing cancer to ourselves by the loss of connection in hope for the greater good. Man is not good left themselves we need someone to answer is what keeps us in line and you can see by the headlines what is happening by not placing Our Lord Jesus Christ before ourselves.

So in my dreaming I invite you to join Greg Laurie’s’ Harvest America campaign. Ask yourself if this is of the Lord’s will and seek the prayers needed to bring Hope back to the hurting masses of our citizens so that one day my grand baby can live as an adult without the grief that is coming by the absence of God. In mentioning Riley’s name she stands for all our children and for the child in hearts of the lost and hurting adult.

As it says in Matthew 18:20

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them”

Let’s make August 26th, 2012 the miracle for change in America! Get involved brings friends into your home or find a local church televising this event and pray for the Lord’s will be used through our hands for those who have ears for listening find Jesus Christ.

To find out more follow this link for more information because August 5th is the Start Rally!


*Bill of Rights quote taken from link:

Matthew 18:20 from ESV Bible

Seeds of the Bloggers Are Gifts

This morning I was moved in spirit and had nothing to do with my situation at home as a matter of fact it was and is being tested fully. A two year old being very much two years old should be enough but there were other situations surrounding it but it’s not important. How I react to it is what is important and I can decide to hand it over to the Lord or hang on and make not only myself miserable and those around me but it would be a sin do so also.

Now I have always know it was me to work out how I deal with it but it was a kindly reminder of a blogger who gave me the instructions on how to be rid of it and then  came by way of another blogger who I rejoiced in finding out she  received an award for inspiration. Now I didn’t know and still have no  idea on how to do this and if I did would have had offered her my nomination because she has inspired me to stay on after reading so many brilliantly amazingly creatively written blogs sites.

I have loved every single story that has been offered. All of them! Everyone who comes have a heart that can be felt through their words and so many are good at it with their  incredible photographs, recipes, quirky stories that can make me laugh that I long to come join daily as I sit down after Riley naps or is tucked into bed for the night.

Blogging is new,  less than a month and it has become addictive, saw a headline asking if blogging was addictive. Was on my Nook outside as the baby played on her swing, it’s always too short and never made it back and will go seek it out because I think it’s true.

Addictions can be destructive in truth most are and some help form good habits and that is what I feel here, in so many taking the time and offering guidance on learning my path towards the Lord. Then there is the one who had me laughing and also instilled within me to find out if the artist – buried deep from having left it dormant for more than twenty years and she did this just by telling her story of a person who drives her nuts. People have come into my life that did just that, it could have been any one of them and at the time I did not chuckle until it was her taking the time to express it in her gifted story telling and pictures that did it.

Since the day I had begun this path of learning the path towards the Lord I have question acceptance, in asking because it was never achieved, never through friends or even family members but here while I am inadequate in skill have felt welcomed and encouraged to stay. This actually brings a great deal of peace to me and look forward to more from each bloggers their stories of the places they’ve seen, the challenges of life and how they deal with it  because they are gifts hidden in the seeds.

While I know the blogger has given me gifts of encouragement it would be lacking to not give praise for the one who sent me here in the first place and it is through Him I will find the true peace.

 Psalm 18:1-2

I love you, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,my God,

my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation,

my stronghold.

Congratulation go to  There are more that need to be mentioned in here but afraid of leaving someone out but you know who you are and in yalandarose award was able to find more that I will be visiting quite often with.

Treading with The Steps

Plan was to sit down and write about my reading in Genesis, I’m at Noah’s Ark, great subject but as I walked alone on my path, in the solitude of the heat of my preserve my mind came at me with all that I heard from the start of my day. The wandering thoughts, ideas and reads in which I had done for the day. Now in my quiet room alone, something that does not happen much and it won’t last long either I wonder.

Walking found a path not used much and this is where my idea for blogging went away. It was an intriguing splitter of a diversion from the main recycled composite  boards, towering plants obscuring  most of the distance view.  I had to take small steps to avoid mashing down the over growth, in doing so had a flash of what I have been doing on my own spiritual path. taking small strides like my tiny readings in the Bible, think about it I am only at Chapter 7 of Genesis.

Been doing that a lot with everything measured amounts of self applications except for the TV viewing. The oddest part is for more than twenty years watching TV was the furthest thing I ever did until about two months ago when my job went down the tubes. People around me spoke of shows and still can’t believe I had never seen a Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends nothing other than as my kids were growing if they weren’t in the house as I cooked dinner I’d flip on I Love Lucy. Silly I know but it was a comfort sound, knew it by heart so I was able to keep at the cooking and the general cleaning as it simmered on the stove but it was another adults voice filling the air.

Now it’s an escape from a mind that won’t settle down, filled with nonsense worries a book that I have worked on for more than two years that no one will read, this is or was an annoyance now wonder if it’s time to delete. Either way I am only working in moderations because I want it finished, a statement for my life. It has little to do with me  other than the emotions all else if pure fictional.

Here I go again as I place this on the screen it strays from where I intended it to go, so I will make a u-turn back to the path where I tread lightly. I do this because of fear, think it’s been brought up before. I know as I read Noah wished at that moment I could stay within the confines of his ark and why would I want to be stuck for what 150 days with stinky animals? Because I would know then God is with me. Sure he is with me now but it doesn’t feel that way. I feel isolated and alone which is what brought up a former posting acceptance.

As much as I know acceptance is not what is to be concerned about, as a matter of fact in my listening this morning to Greg Laurie’s webcast, he spoke  – if you’re not getting flack for your beliefs you’re not doing it right. (This is my understanding not his words, so only God know if that was correct)

This hit home because last night as I checked in on Facebook a friend posted a pic of a kid with a fist asking to like for Jesus. I hesitated then procrastinated then clicked off, didn’t care for the photo but it was out of others feeling towards me. Had already liked two others the week before.

It’s not a good thing to be more concerned about them when God is more important, leading me back to Noah in my walk on him living what eight to nine hundred years. First it would take me that long to build that boat even with the tools of today but it would take me that amount of time because of wrestling with myself on whether I am hearing God or am I hearing myself.

This takes me back to a book that led me this way – that if you don’t want to do it it’s mostly likely God he choose another name Infinite I and it feels correct. Where most of my life choose to call it a red light sometimes a yellow signal to cross with caution, never faced a clear-cut green light unless I am behind the wheel driving and I don’t really mean my control over life.

The path where few walked was evident of this by the plants coming up through the boards nailed horizontally, but as I walked almost on tippy toes hoping to catch a bird in the thrush, neglecting how my plastic tumbled filled with ice crackled through the open air as if I were carrying bags of coin and it did scare off all feathers creatures before my camera phone could capture them. But in this path were tiny flowers, cattails and gorgeous vines fluttering with greyish blue moths and Monarch butterflies, now as beautiful as the other paths that I normally take this one was cooler and more of a feast for the eyes. So I know in the spiritual world that is true also. While I may have to give up things, it’s important that I keep my eyes on what can’t be seen and what can’t be felt right away.

Now as good as that sounds to me why does it bring so much concern? I should be walking boldly at a run to get to where I should have been so long ago and yet I tremble afraid of falling before I get off at the starting line. Just hope I get this right and intime to give my grand baby good choices for her future.

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that
leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.

*taken from

Lost Lamb

Photo is mine and wasn’t aware of the photo challenge until late friday so it’s uncertain if I made the deadline or not but this was on that path.

I Want to Hug Him

Don’t you just love it when a child says something so innocent?

We walk a path on the Big Morongo Preserve most days. The pics used on this site come from this sanctuary in the desert. We usually go in the heat of the day 3 or 4ish. It’s quiet, cool or cooler and they have signs posted to hang on to your child then a picture of a mountain lion drawn below the warning, I figure if it’s too hot for humans it’s too hot for them!

If I hadn’t seen the mountain lion leap across a 4 lane highway by leaps less than 8 miles away wouldn’t be so concerned but I did more than once. Believe he was as big as the lions I saw roaming the Serengeti.

This oasis is bird paradise where my grand baby loves to visit. In the morning is the time for bird watching, seen people who travel from all over dragging very expensive and huge cameras. It draws me to want to learn more about the birds. My 2 yr old is actually learning to listen to their tweets and is quiet herself as she hunts for the lizards and the fleeting glances at the rare butterfly. These are only rare because of the time of day but by 3 we’re both bored to tears so we go.

Today the darling response was for a dragonfly. It was the size of my fist and the color of rust. He sat on a branch after flying passed us, allowing Riley to view him up close. He was as cute as the cartoons, if I didn’t know better could see his smile. That was when she held out both arms and said “I want a hug him” so did I, instead she settled for telling Mr. Dragonfly she will see him tomorrow.

Somewhere I could imagine in the Garden of Eden before the fall Eve could hug her butterflies. Can’t get mad because I have sinned also which leads me to believe I would have made the same stupid mistake. If not them would have been me. It tragic to realize as I walk silently teaching my grand child to enjoy the calm of the smaller moments how incredible our Lord made this earth, yet I have used it as a litter box, in my speech, my thoughts and afraid desires. These blunders have not even escaped by Riley’s ears, sorry to say.

There was a time when I not only did not choose to use these 4 letters words they were not even in my thought, it could have been the Catholic upbringing or not but a long the line it changed. Think it was when I felt it would buy me more freedom but I didn’t start at that moment. All I can recall is when all 3 of my sons hit their teens my language became what it is today. Please do not get me wrong, it was by my own choosing that this happened, though I still tell them it was all their fault, they drove me to the ends of the earth with their stubborn wills. A trait that was actually requested they would have,  never considering the backlash it would cause me.

So I will take my leave wondering what it must have been like for them to be in such a glorious place then lose it, the pain they had to have felt that lingers to this very day. But as remorseful as it sounds I can still catch a glimpse through the eyes of a 2  old at the preserve.

Ephesians 1:3-4 from the ESV Bible

Blessed be the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.

P.S. One day we can hug Him who is blameless, for now will settle for Riley’s tiny arms around my neck.

Lost Lamb

* I could have taken this picture if only I had remembered the camera!

Dragonfly by

For Her and for Our Leader of the Path

I sit here in my room concerned about a future, from where I am without work, a solid sense of purpose, lacking my own car (hate to speak about how I have managed to be driving the one that is currently parked in my driveway) and it is the world that I am the most worried about. While I know that there is not one thing I can do to alter these things that I see flash before my eyes every time  I turn on the internet.  It would be on the TV too if I could afford cable but since I am not it’s only on my computer. The only outlet I have to the outside.

Friends I do have, good ones they are busy as I was when I worked and they do live far from my home but we have lengthy phone calls and texting so I am not alone and the grand baby that is a real blessing outside taxing on my menopause. She’s a good little girl especially after raising boys who were active, it’s the menopause that is an issue that and lacking funds for the cost of the child. But my ears pick  up on the stories so much more so than before and feels it is her that causes the distress.

Before taking this leap of faith I was liberal in my thoughts but even in my liberalism never expected what I see today. Yes I still believe each person is deserving of respect and equal freedoms but even as I believe this didn’t want it shoved down throats and it seems that there is a lacking of respect on both sides of the table. Yes I hate pornography always have but you have to admit you have to protect it in order to protect  your own rights. But does that mean I have to support it? NO!

So as far as I am concerned I may have to protect the rights of others that does not mean I will support it either. Why am I talking about this? It’s all over the media, the articles complaining about our weight and the laws they are trying to put in place to punish those who do not live up to that standard, the stuff that goes on in the bedroom between two people being thrown out onto the computer for our young children’s eyes to see and in the school books, the constant flooding of reality TV that our kids are watching giving them false ideas on how they should live, article after article of stars private lives.

Why should we care if Tom Cruise is getting a divorce? Is he any better than anyone else? No I don’t think so, as a matter of fact with my bad shoes wouldn’t trade them for his.

We all makes bad decisions, we all do things that tests the Lord’s grace and that is the point. How long will it take before he’s had enough?

If a lot of people out there have had enough like me which is brought me to this place where I am stumbling all over the path I’m  on,  could only hope other’s will also find this route because what is out there is truly unhealthy. So in my reading which is at the flood my study guide sent me to this Psalm 25, it is again from the “The Book” by Tyndale

Psalm 25:8-14

The Lord is good and glad to teach the proper path to all who go astray; he will teach the ways that are right and best to those who humbly turn to him. And when we obey him, every path he guides us on is fragrant with his loving kindness and his truth.

But lord, my sins! How many they are. Oh pardon them for the honor of your name.

Where is the man who fears the Lord? God will teach him how to choose the best.

He shall live within God’s circle of blessing, and his children shall inherit the earth.

Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence him. With them alone he shares the secrets of his promises.

At least we know God is God and He remains the same no matter what we think or do!