Plan was to sit down and write about my reading in Genesis, I’m at Noah’s Ark, great subject but as I walked alone on my path, in the solitude of the heat of my preserve my mind came at me with all that I heard from the start of my day. The wandering thoughts, ideas and reads in which I had done for the day. Now in my quiet room alone, something that does not happen much and it won’t last long either I wonder.
Walking found a path not used much and this is where my idea for blogging went away. It was an intriguing splitter of a diversion from the main recycled composite boards, towering plants obscuring most of the distance view. I had to take small steps to avoid mashing down the over growth, in doing so had a flash of what I have been doing on my own spiritual path. taking small strides like my tiny readings in the Bible, think about it I am only at Chapter 7 of Genesis.
Been doing that a lot with everything measured amounts of self applications except for the TV viewing. The oddest part is for more than twenty years watching TV was the furthest thing I ever did until about two months ago when my job went down the tubes. People around me spoke of shows and still can’t believe I had never seen a Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends nothing other than as my kids were growing if they weren’t in the house as I cooked dinner I’d flip on I Love Lucy. Silly I know but it was a comfort sound, knew it by heart so I was able to keep at the cooking and the general cleaning as it simmered on the stove but it was another adults voice filling the air.
Now it’s an escape from a mind that won’t settle down, filled with nonsense worries a book that I have worked on for more than two years that no one will read, this is or was an annoyance now wonder if it’s time to delete. Either way I am only working in moderations because I want it finished, a statement for my life. It has little to do with me other than the emotions all else if pure fictional.
Here I go again as I place this on the screen it strays from where I intended it to go, so I will make a u-turn back to the path where I tread lightly. I do this because of fear, think it’s been brought up before. I know as I read Noah wished at that moment I could stay within the confines of his ark and why would I want to be stuck for what 150 days with stinky animals? Because I would know then God is with me. Sure he is with me now but it doesn’t feel that way. I feel isolated and alone which is what brought up a former posting acceptance.
As much as I know acceptance is not what is to be concerned about, as a matter of fact in my listening this morning to Greg Laurie’s webcast, he spoke – if you’re not getting flack for your beliefs you’re not doing it right. (This is my understanding not his words, so only God know if that was correct)
This hit home because last night as I checked in on Facebook a friend posted a pic of a kid with a fist asking to like for Jesus. I hesitated then procrastinated then clicked off, didn’t care for the photo but it was out of others feeling towards me. Had already liked two others the week before.
It’s not a good thing to be more concerned about them when God is more important, leading me back to Noah in my walk on him living what eight to nine hundred years. First it would take me that long to build that boat even with the tools of today but it would take me that amount of time because of wrestling with myself on whether I am hearing God or am I hearing myself.
This takes me back to a book that led me this way – that if you don’t want to do it it’s mostly likely God he choose another name Infinite I and it feels correct. Where most of my life choose to call it a red light sometimes a yellow signal to cross with caution, never faced a clear-cut green light unless I am behind the wheel driving and I don’t really mean my control over life.
The path where few walked was evident of this by the plants coming up through the boards nailed horizontally, but as I walked almost on tippy toes hoping to catch a bird in the thrush, neglecting how my plastic tumbled filled with ice crackled through the open air as if I were carrying bags of coin and it did scare off all feathers creatures before my camera phone could capture them. But in this path were tiny flowers, cattails and gorgeous vines fluttering with greyish blue moths and Monarch butterflies, now as beautiful as the other paths that I normally take this one was cooler and more of a feast for the eyes. So I know in the spiritual world that is true also. While I may have to give up things, it’s important that I keep my eyes on what can’t be seen and what can’t be felt right away.
Now as good as that sounds to me why does it bring so much concern? I should be walking boldly at a run to get to where I should have been so long ago and yet I tremble afraid of falling before I get off at the starting line. Just hope I get this right and intime to give my grand baby good choices for her future.
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that
leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.
*taken from http://bible.cc/matthew/7-13.htm
Photo is mine and wasn’t aware of the photo challenge until late friday so it’s uncertain if I made the deadline or not but this was on that path.