Archive | August 2012

Do you hear what I hear?

This lost lamb hears a lot of things, the birds in the branches, insects in humming as they pass me, my kitty’s meows and oh my dogs when people come to the door and the trucks coming down the highways behind my house and  even hear the news such as the flooding from hurricane Issac.  I  have no idea how any of you who deal with hurricanes and tornadoes do it. It frightens me to no end and I am sitting pretty high in the desert.

Like now the temps for today were actually pretty nice and it did shower and you would not believe how delightful the aroma of a desert when the water hits it. Thought living in Big Bear with the tall pines couldn’t be beat, the desert comes awfully close or maybe its just because you don’t expect it. But while comfortable except for when my hot flashes hit with the same rate of the humidity for a period of time I have been doing great while some were sitting on their roof tops with the water rising. Now that is a nightmare. Drowning terrified me. It sits right up there with dismemberment, so as it goes on I  will keep you all in  prayers.

For a time I did want to move to Louisiana, been there twice and each time I loved it even more so, the people the structures of the buildings and the countryside. Peacocks ar my thing, love animals but I do love peacocks and a couple of wild pea fowls were in the trees. Things got in the way of that dream and it most likely was the Lord knowing my feelings about water.

The other things I hear is what others say that the Lord speaks to them. How does this happen? Is it a thought that comes along that there is no way you could have thought of it? Or is it a voice?

Now one time I did hear a voice and if it was the Lord I failed the test. Remember I do poorly with tests so it does not come as a surprise that I would fail it. It was really silly but I had to get my house painted, work was busy and a weekend job ended up taking more than a month when I got a call that my dad would be there in three days. After having a heart attack and looked over my work schedule and the weekend he was coming happened to be Memorial. We were already picking up business from the early birds so the Thursday before that Sunday I was off and had a whole house to get done. I got out there and began painting like a mad woman, as fast and the best I could too, wanted a good job not a sloppy paint job.

Barely more than 45 minutes went by when there is a loud “Go inside and take your clothes off”

Looking around paint roller in hand, went back to work, it happened a couple of times and each time I yelled a little more louder after checking that there was indeed no one around” No”

Man I had a lot to get done and I was on a roll working on the hardest part of the house. Before I know it the roller goes up and a good 3 inch splitter goes right through my thumb, stubbornness in me  yanked it out and I yelled” I said I don’t have time to go inside”

Well my thumb did throb but I kept right on painting and hear again to get inside to remove my clothing, nothing worked until, bet you can guess it,  had to pee. Strut inside I do except instead pick up a phone and chat with my friend, why I don’t know but I did ,then  ran into the bathroom –  low and behold there was a huge I mean huge black widow in my shorts. The tennis shoe sitting at my feet smashes it into the ground just as my son came home from school. Bringing the door open and shouts come clean up this spider. He pouted because he hates spiders but he came in and it was gone. The squashed bug was nowhere and three days later in my sleep I am bitten by it and never saw it again. Sick for a few days and my dad didn’t come. Breaking my neck getting that house done and he didn’t see my paint job, oh well it did look nice.

Really don’t think that voice heard is what people are talking about because if that is how God speaks with us well I think there would be a lot more believers out there, something says it’s a quiet inner voice. Mine experience was a loud booming, really thought someone was around but there wasn’t even a bird chirping. In the end it didn’t matter how the Lord speaks with me I am terrible at following instructions no matter how simple the request is, probably explains why I still ended up bit by it.

Deuteronomy 31:6

” Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”






That is it Lost Lamb you’re in the corner until you figure this out

While I haven’t sent my grand baby Riley into a corner (just yet) she has been sent into her room for time outs. She hates it. I almost thinks she prefers a swat on the tushie over being sent into the dungeon of her room.  I’ll admit her room isn’t what some kids have, she just has what she calls her big girl bed. (Don’t know who could have taught her that?…humm) A table where her light and night-light is and another shelving which is used as a dresser. One day do plan to paint that room and in the process of making curtains but other than that her only toys are the zillions of stuffed animal my middle son loves to buy for her.

Being that Uncle Justin is my son he buys  gorillas, dolphins, crabs, fish and the very first one into this collection of bizarre little girl stuffies was a walrus. Man did she love it, the tusk were perfect for teething, so a lot of them have pointed noses, like the snowman –  Riley refers to as nose man. Bottom line just get the punishing over with and move on, being stuck on time outs is not over with quickly and she only is made to stay in there long enough for her to crawl to her bed, I leave the area and she’s out faster than my feet can turn away and she’s looking so pitifully sad.

For a two year old the punishment is the long walk on the green mile, can’t do anything more unless I were to lock the door on her. Believe I have thought about it! Then the screaming would come, bringing me back into my senses. Those high notes are just too much more my sensitive ears. Besides she is like a mynah bird, she repeats everything! Nothing escapes this tiny being, like now I had to say sharply to get that brush out of my ice tea and she replied (mind you she is not 2/12 yet) “Fine that is the last time I help you” and waltz off.

I have to get better at this parenting thing, because all she got was me cracking up so if I don’t straighten up I will have a precocious child on my hands. Sure I want her smart just one without the mouth action. As an adult it will come in handy as long as she controls it which brings me to what I found plastered to my headline news.

A nurse talking on her cell while driving is pulled over then beaten up by the police and the commander is suspended until further investigations. Now I don’t know what was more interesting the article or the comments. From my experience in working a video store for more than ten years have found what people choose to watch (in talking about the bulk of their choices) reflects their characters. Example some people prefer horrors, fine its the ones who have their young children under ten watching it with them that I have issues with and in meeting some of them found that they were impulsive and placed themselves over their child’s welfare.

It could be my opinion is based on just those few but look at the headlines and then look at what is making Hollywood money and tell me that there is no connections. Hollywood only makes what brings in the cash, I do believe they would rather make critically acclaimed films with depth but if they don’t pay for themselves why throw good money in afterwards? You’d end up bankrupted. I complain all the time about the media but look at what people are buying and have to say the blame still falls back on us.

For that headline there are three parts of that story of the woman, the cops and the commander, no make that four parts wrong with it and that is bringing into account the commentors. They do play into this. First part is the woman, she should not have been talking on the phone, commentors brought up that they see police and firemen all the time on the cell. Now I have seen a few, as a driver in pizza delivery business. You see everything – which also helped in my notion on parents into horror flicks – but I have seen as many of them pulled over making their calls like anyone else too. Because someone else does it doesn’t mean you should. Any parent has pointed that one out to their usually 9 years olds and up. Can’t recall how many times when they hit their teens, it was a daily tape played over and over again, recited in my sleep just like “no we are there yet”…”clean your room its a pigsty”

To make her matters worst she jumps out screaming – hence my Riley needs to learn control  over her mouth and behavior too- from this point it moves over to the police who in turn take her down in a not so professional manner then proceed after hand cuffing her behind the back to beat her up. They are inadvertently vidoed doing all their wrongs.

A commander is suspended because he tried to cover this all up. They say problem start at the top and the poop trickles down and I am sure anyone who has worked in workplace not ran correctly this is truth to the fullest.

My problem with the three is just that, they all lacked self control over their behavior and all moral grounding is gone. To make matters all that much worst is where the commentors come into play. I would guess roughly maybe 80 to 90% percent felt that it was the video taping proved to be more than useful and should be implemented to keep them the police in line. Are you out of your freaking mind? Is what I have to say about that  is first what a person is when no one is looking is what they are anywhere else and if you have no moral grounds and no one to answer too like a bigger authority i.e God what is going to stop them? Video taping is not going to do it, cops have a camera already and these two figured out where to stand to not been seen by their own, you don’t think they with their access won’t figure it out if they were everywhere.

We the public are the ones whose freedoms will be stripped off and by for all of this they are asking  for the end of times. When the government has all the control , they will tell us what to think, what to wear, where to work, live and most importantly what to believe. Does anyone really want our lives monitored?

This has already begin and if you don’t believe me look at your Facebook, it will tell everyone where you have lived all the way up to your high school years or further if you didn’t move before then. Everything we do is designed that at a future day by the big players who will have us in their grip and it is showing up by another news of another American company going abroad to escape paying higher taxes. That is a ploy to take the US down and form a ‘New World Order” some of those commentors said they would move too or laid blame on those collecting funds through the government and some were smart and saw that these are greedy times without concerns over those they bring serious harm too.

I would love to place all these players into a corner until they learn their lessons but since so many are blinded by Satan’s promises of power that they do not even know he’s pulling the strings. One commentor of the woman with many thumbs up she will now because of her behavior be worth millions. Wow what good morals to teach our children. So talking to them or sending petitions is pointless unless is sent with as many prayers and it has in signatures.

The Lord has everything in control, though my time of sitting in the corner is painful and like my Riley would rather have a quick spanking to get this over with we are in for a long haul but do we really need to sent out comments like she deserved it for her stupidity? No she didn’t but it is a good lesson to point out to your spunky hardheaded 13 yr old who think she/he has all the answers. The police do need our prayers so they are not so blind sided by the pressure they are given to become more revenue collectors over actually taking care of crime. We need prayers for the cities, counties and state that they serve to be responsible with their budgets so that the police can do their job properly and this is also needed for their commander as well because he has a bigger boss than him who pulls his strings.

None of this excuses each of these individuals but it demonstrates that we all need prayers to make it through the days and they could use a lot less comments that this is karma and she deserved it for maybe another action over this one. I do believe in karma as well but I express it on myself when I have messed up and saying it out into the atmosphere is like saying to an abused person that they deserved what they got. Its cold and heartless.

So I will go back to my corner with hopes of finding heart and the right prayers for strength.

“Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”

Matthew 24:44 ESV

Bible verse found on:


2nd clipart:


Our Lord’s Daisies….

This short video  speaks beautifully in tone and in message. It gives me wonder like that ever helps but what if one of the reasons for my lack being able to comprehend faith is my inability to understand love from living in this  dysfunctional divorce society. My parents did do the best they could that is without question as I did for my own boys but there was not a possibility of meeting my sons needs because a lot of mine had not been met essentially  in speaking on a firm foundation and there was betrayal.

I really would not like to ruin this message by droning on about facing pain in the dysfunctional family , so please enjoy this video and I wasn’t able to locate who she is that is speaking because I would like to hear more from her.

What a normal blog coming from this lost lamb?…What is this world coming too?

The lamb suggest that you better take cover!

Uploaded by     on Aug  5, 2011

Weird believer is coming down the stretch, now she’s nose to nose…Oops!

This race is not for ribbons or a purse as these horses are, this is to……

Follow the Lord and I don’t think understanding on how the Lord works has any place in this race to the finish. Would my chances of winning be better if I have met him?…The answer is no. It really didn’t do Thomas any good and it wouldn’t matter, my faults are a part of who I am, think it has been grained into my character since the days of Adam and Eve.

As you can see that most of those race horses wear blinders that their riders have placed on them,  only the ones strong enough race without worries or moved off by distractions. What I don’t have as these horse do is an actual physical hood for blinding my way so that I can keep my nose into the direction of this pursuit of the Lord. So since I have taken two steps back am finding less pressure on tripping up on being anything other than what I am. My blogs will never be normal when it speaks on faith and I have feeling it is okay because we are not all the same. Our needs are the same, in things like food, shelter, needing compassion and support but not how we process thoughts and emotions.

In the background instead of having the raves of ticket holders who have placed bets on whether I win or not I have Joyce Meyer speaking on understanding the Lord. In listening to her she points out that some of the unbelievers are blessed with so much while a lot of believers struggle. Struggles vary, just like they do for anyone else but what I picked up more than what she said was how the crowd reacted exactly as I did. And it was just recently as a matter of fact, so many times to recall what sparked this need to covet what they had. I know yesterday it was looking at a newer Ford Edge, I need a car, especially one that is safe for driving my toddler around. The borrowed Echo is a blessing but it’s awfully small and reaching more than 250,000, so how much more will I get out of it?

My 2 year old is demanding attention  I better leave with this….

I think there is a common bond that we have in that we don’t fully comprehend The Lord’s ways, except to keep walking towards with blinders of a race horse focused on the end with a sole goal of winning the prize, that Jesus Christ gave us when he died on the cross so that we may live in spiritual truth with him.

Psalm 100:2-3 King James Version (KJV)

Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.


Bible verse:

These eyes……

Yep that is what I have been doing eaves dropping since my last blog, emptied my mind of all thoughts and jumped into all of yours and then  moved into the Wattpad another fellow blogger suggested in  his and boy has that been keeping me busy, busy, busy feel like the villain in the Frosty the Snowman cartoon when he was promised a Christmas gift from Santa if he behaved.

It was invigorating to place my book that I have toiled with since 2010, d *#n that is a long time and I could not get a single soul to read it that whole time. Cristian Mihai blog is the one that shared it – now it’s in the hands of people who are reading it, only 4 chapters because I am still cleaning it up. I went from that to seeing  so many new posts and people stories and still feel I haven’t made a dent in the back up from handling my grand baby and there are still a couple who stopped by that I want to check out their work.

I don’t know about you but the best part of seeing that amber star in the corner when you hop on is the chance of meeting another bloggers work or what? Yes I am a begging poodle who loves and thrives on adulations, can you see me now sitting pretty tongue hanging out trying to look so adorable that there will be more good vibes of strokes coming my way? Well shamefully that is me!

Which is why trying to stroll on this path with the Lord is such an issue, you don’t get a gold star or a pat on the back of good job or even have you sit down on a chair across from  his desk for that “talk” but I have felt those spankings of his…….. Thankfully he more than makes up by giving a more permanent gift of his son Jesus Christ who will wipe away my poor behavior.  Shelfishly I would rather have that talk and a kind pat on the back at least for right now, especially after listening to another Max Lucado and it was down right depressing hearing all the hardships Christians are going to encounter and do encounter in other parts of the world. Didn’t care for that when I went in for bending an ear in listening.

So instead I found some delicious recipes and one day will get to make some of those yummies and was reminded of Stevie Ray Vaughan anniversary that was hard to believe how much time has passed. (mostly because it means I had to face that is how much older I am) Just the other day recalled how it has been nearly 19 years since my sister passed away. Oct 4th will be another year added to that. I hate Oct 4th, I don’t even have to remember to check the calendar my  heart always reminds me.

Seeing notices of musicians like Stevie Ray Vaughan and Dimebag Darrel which comes up close to John Lennon’s are also reminders of my sister because she was a singer and had an opportunity in the 80’s to a cut a record in Germany. Not much happened with it ut she got to live there for a while when she was only 18 and anytime you get to try out new places it’s a success as far as I am concerned, so though she passed away young she lived a full life and she was pleased with it in the end.

My last blog as pathetic as it was there was a fellow blogger and in my shutting down time don’t even recall sending a reply but it was so nice to hear that I wasn’t alone in coming to grips with this path that I am flopping all over the place on but do believe I have definitively hit stage 4 in the grieving process which I am afraid to say depression and it doesn’t help having to deal with my other issues. Hopefully something does give but having people still sticking around to watch my train wreck does help and finally people are reading that book! Yippy…

Wish I could place it here but it has too much language and it is lengthy which I am finding that it’s a lot of teens on the Wattpad and they write short stories, only like 1 to 2 page chapters. But I tell you those kids are good! Jealous like I am with so many of you out there and your ideas, the 5 things to do each day, finding 3 daily delights awesome, the vegan recipes the trips around the world, the photography just can’t say enough good things there and the poems!!! And sharing of the daily life, makes me feel that maybe I am not such a freak after all, kidding I mean it in a good way. The tales of raising children, the pain that comes along, some are personal some are work related I really like that part of sharing of the blog, then there’s the ones with information and informative articles even if it’s not agreeable they are well written that I do check to see if maybe just maybe I need to think more than just make a decision based on emotions. You  know?

Not to be last or least those of you who are sure in your faith I do find encouragement in  your blogging. I feel I should place your links here but  all those juicy blogs that I have been reading are to my right! I’m sure you will find your name there and for those of you I haven’t gotten to I will as soon as I can! But thanks for your stories and for stopping by my place too bad we can’t all have a cocktail over the wire (me personally prefer a shot of tequilla with a lime wedge and of course salt) or even nibble on some those delicious pages.

Have a blessed day,

Lost Lamb 




2nd pic:

3rd pic:



I didn’t know this wasn’t a costume party

Don’t you hate it when that happens, all dressed up for a costume party and you didn’t get the meno? Yeah that’s me always showing up in the wrong outfit or saying the wrong things in the really wrong place like here where my blog is learning my path towards God, should have thought harder on the title and named it Lost Lamb, the Neurotic, more fitting, don’t you think?

It’s hard to face it but that is what happens with me – in the wrong placing writing the wrong things, so to take away this awkwardness I am going to alter my directions. Yes I am going to continue on my path of seeking a closer relationship with the Lord, just not there as mentioned in To Tell the Truth ..Or Not?

Now I am sure in time this all will be fixed but it is so hard when I am barely hanging on financially, without a job, caring for a child when I have no parental skills and lack the ambitions and it does make it so much more difficult when there are too many not enough of’s.

The other thing is in reading other blogs from people who are walking with the Lord, my blog site  makes this one dressed as a clown when they are in their best clothes. I don’t like clowns and  don’t want to be seen as a clown either so what I intend to do is what I have been doing, writing my thoughts on trying to get through another day of facing how to attain a new position, handling of a two-year old, my addiction and  love of music and taking my favorites songs out to bring back a sense of who I am, in hopes of finding my strength and it will of course be a tiny step towards the Lord, this is therapy and it will include that book that did set me towards this course. Though it has nothing to do with Jesus but if I can listen to metal and hear Jesus  I can find him there too and it’s really not far off course, it’s a mind control technique anyways.

Right now with everything including the physical issues this is very uncomfortable place in learning of the Lord, sometimes I wonder are there others like me struggling this hard? I cannot be alone in this or do most just plain give up at this point? I am stubborn which is as much a bad thing as it’s a good one because of this stubbornness not giving up at least just yet. Plus from what I hear about in losing weight doing it in small increments usually it stays off longer by building new habits instead of trying the crash diets that really are very unhealthy for you.

So to those who have bared with me, I thank you and for those who are seeking a more concrete answers of finding God there are a lot of good bloggers out there with lovely sites that will have answers but if you are like me having trouble, maybe it’s not just with the Lord but with your life I really would love to hear your stories. Seriously and in all truthfulness think it’s what I need to hear because the party would be so much more fun if I weren’t the only clown in the room, maybe you’re the one in the tutu and pink tights? Think I see you hiding in the corner…