Thinking and missing it
















Lately been thinking too much and my mind does not shut up so thinking has always been a problem. My brain can take a pebble that could fit into my palm and work them over until it’s magnified into a mountain. Just take my readings in the Bible. Who in the world was it that Adam and Eve’s sons married? Sure doesn’t sound like it was their sisters otherwise why was it that Cain got married after running away.

Then there is the Nephilim’s and where did they go to before the flood? It states very clearly they were there before and afterwards. So what was the point of the flood if these were the driving force of the evil one as said in Wikipedia:

“Richard Hess in The Anchor Bible Dictionary takes it as read that the nephilim are the offspring, as does P. W. Coxon in Dictionary of deities and demons in the Bible.[6]

They also said prior to that “The nature of the nephilim is complicated by the ambiguity of Genesis 6:4, “the sons of God joined with the daughters of mankind, who bore them children – they were the ancient warriors, the men of renown”, which leaves it unclear whether they are the “sons of God” or their offspring who are the “ancient warriors”.

This could explain who the women were that Cain and Able married and would also explain the population increasing so rapidly after the flooding.

You can find this on Wikipedia link:

More importantly is why would I care? Should this make any difference in my feelings towards The Lord? Whether I care or not he accepts me as I am and so shouldn’t I accept Him without digging for reason as to why not? Or does it make me any brighter when speaking about The Lord?

I’ve had opportunities of meeting people educated in Christian doctrine with college degrees and all; they didn’t inspire me towards my path if anything it was their lives that I found so distasteful. I still shouldn’t have held it against them because it was my belief that if we could be perfect Jesus would not have had to die on the cross.

See my thinking doesn’t help. Just like this weekend in my mental state of wandering around the universe unleashed I bounced across a ghostly figure from the past, a person who was a front to me because they couldn’t take no for an answer. Have you ever meet those kinds of people? It doesn’t matter what they asked but it’s a situation that either appalls you or just plain flat broke so you say “I pass’ and they grind you to turn it into a “Yes”

Exhausting these people are for me to be around, already uncomfortable with those who are spilling over with personality and in need of attention. My frustrations came rushing back like they were there in front of me in solid form instead of an aberration, this time my mind eavesdropped into conversations taking me to a very sad place. Guilt by my receptive reaction that was unwarranted. This person came from a trouble past and the cycle of troubled  began long before they came into the picture.

My process of rethinking old news rehashing what could have been left crumbled in the waste can happened all weekend. Spitting out what I didn’t like only to have it shoved back in, each time saw these people and myself for what they really were.

The one or two of them did have a relationship with the Lord, I rendered it was better than mine because they knew Bible verses by heart where I do not know a single one. No I am not a better believer they hung on to him with all they had – it was their actions of their heart that I saw it wasn’t the knowledge.

I wandered away before it got to all of my weaknesses, put I couldn’t get away from my lack of study and reading time. I read allot actually, the blogs on WordPress, so many great stories that I cannot get enough of. So many healthful advices in all matters, there are books that are read by me, websites news and if bored the gossip – why I don’t know it always bugs the tar out of me.

A part of me thinks I could handle their lives better but think I just want one day to get myself a car, better clothing, stock my refrigerator – get a new ice box mine is on its last leg, an energy efficient and washes clothes better washer and oven so the pilot doesn’t go out when I am trying to bake a cake. That oven always knows when there is something crucial like cakes and cookies to give me h double popsicle sticks of trouble.

In a weird way my mental walks got me ready for today when I literally took a leap of faith (no I didn’t step off a cliff) I went to an interview one that there was no way I could get and guess what? The whole thing is still giving me tingles. See here is the scoop, I sent an email of a cover letter for a job found on Craig Lists.  If you have ever applied for those jobs probably find out like I did that most of them are fake. I forgot to ask The Lord to bless it before hitting send but I did say to Him if this is of his will to take care of it. Well no more than five minutes went by and I got a call!

This was on Thursday and I did spend most of that night fretting over it. There are so many obstacles to cross – I have no money used my last nine dollars getting there and paying for a drivers history at the DMV to get it and there is training unpaid lasting nine weeks but was originally trying to work out on how to take these courses in college and here it’s only going to cost me the gas. Well to make what already is a too long of a story shorter. I got the position!

My point is? Don’t know! But I am missing what I should be doing better, thinking about stupid stuff that has no bearing on what makes a relationship and Jesus is still there at my side; pretty amazing that Jesus Christ the son of Our Lord.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim linerty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor”

Luke 4:18-19ESV Bible

Have a Bless day!

Lost Lamb


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