Badfishy! bad fishy! Weights & Measures of myself

Yes sir-ee I am the bad fishy in getting ready to write by being deterred by Candlebox’s song “Rain” a band that sometimes comes in where Metallica sits at number five, (when angry with the world of myself, when calm Candlebox rests on number six in the ten greatest bands. A list that I have been compiling for nearly 30 years maybe more but the one that hovers all them all is Bob Dylan, he is not placed on it anywhere just is there.

Rumor had it that Candlebox formed with members of Live for The Gracious Few, this was exciting news because Live resides also in high placement on the list. There are many bands on it and would have to say that it’s the bands  of the 90’s taking up the top numbers. Lasting enthusiasm for music began before these bands were toddlers but for some ill logic of mine Eagles who were a band that all other bands were held up against in standards  and had made bands like Tool possible – Eagles just doesn’t hold as much in the same ear as these bands have. The songs of Tool, Perfect Circle, Slipknot, Alice n Chains, Metallica, Candlebox, Days of the New, Korn, (sometimes Live is here) Screaming Trees, Rage Against the Machine and this one moves up and down don’t know why but have recently noticed that when their music comes on I leap hurdles in turning it up every single time and that is Soundgarden.

Lyrics and tonal voicing in the songs hold as much water as in the day of their birth, where Eagles as great and would have to give them kudos because if it were not for their depth in writing mind blowing songs in which Bob Dylan has done many of these bands may not have done so. I don’t know if it’s the music that is the underscore in delivering these or what but Eagles feels dated where the listed in nearly 15 or more years haven’t. Answers could be found in that I haven’t moved very far from where I am at in all from the passing of time.

I measure everything, but nothing gets as measured as myself. I listen to speakers and  hold myself up to what they are saying whether or not it’s intended to be. When it comes to measuring self-worth against the Lord and my Savour Jesus Christ I don’t even need the devil around to feel so less deserving because everything that I have used prior to coming to this road has told me that I don’t measure up.

Beauty magazines, radio, movies,  DJ’s chatting fills the air that I am not good enough, they have said that my height is not enough, my next door girl look is not what men aspire in their ideals of the perfect woman to take as a wife to pride around in and what else? All of this began before I put on the weight, a lot of which has piled on by my aging hormonal imbalance that and in need of restraint.

Oh dear Lord I may battle weight but it’s not to the extent that many do but I pity the people who do carry more than what is literally allowed by society. Personally I cannot believe they can get away with it, isn’t what they are doing first of all bullying and what is the difference of pointing out a person’s weight than racism? It is the same! It hurts the same, and it is not always something that can be fixed either, sure some could lose through diet and exercise but it’s nobodies business! When it means the exterior body means more than the heart my friend we are way off-line in morals, obeying the golden rules of treating one another like we want to be treated.

Whether society agrees or not with me it is my own created battle, it is their fault when I do not stand up to it instead of buckling…No not really it is my fault but I do need to stand up for those who cannot and I need to stand up for my own when measuring if I am good enough for saving my the grace of Jesus Christ.

Weighing in what I have done to earn the right for grace can’t be done by me or by others anymore than it can be done for the person living in a place that is not deemed acceptable by others. Sure the Lord has declared homosexuality a sinful act, he declared other acts the same all of which I am guilty to the max for. In listening once again to Max Lucado over going to a church service was at first a pang of guilt. I was measuring myself again which is why I lagged on going in the first place.

He posed some very good questions as if my concerns were  heard – what can I do to make up for what I have done in order to deserve grace? If I became a better person would that work? Be happy when ever that neighbor who you’ve heard too much about bangs on my window? Would running around apologizing work?

What about all the mistakes of my past? Just feeling inadequate is a sin. Humble is good especially before the The Lord but feeling inferior isn’t the same thing as humble. I am attracted to many kinds of men and being single kind of impossible to not fall into lustful traps, I don’t always want to be a caregiver or helpful when trying to find my work on writing a book. Caring for a child is more important, raising up a child to the Lord is more important that a book, just don’t always want to. Like now I am listing to Badfish by Sublime – another good song! I should be keeping time open incase the Lord wants to say something and I am bobbing with Badfish…

“When you grab a hold of me
You tell me that I’ll never be set free
I’m a parasite,
creep and crawl I step into the night.
Two pints of booze
Tell me are you a badfish too? Are you a badfish too?
Ain’t got no money to spend
I know the night will never end
Lord knows I’m weak
Won’t somebody get me off of this reef

Baby your a big blue whale
Grab the reef when all duck diving fails
I swim but wish I never learned
The water’s too polluted with germs
I dive deep when it’s ten feet overhead
Grab the reef underneath my bed
Ain’t got no quarrels with god Ain’t got no time to grow old
Lord knows I’m weak
Won’t somebody get me off of this reef

Ain’t got no quarrels with God Ain’t got no time to grow old
Lord knows I’m weak
Won’t somebody get me off of this reef

This song sums up who I am the one who doesn’t deserve His grace and yet He gives it.

Esphesians 2:8 -9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your doing; it is the gift of God not the works, so othat no one may boast.”

I am sure as the faith I have in Jesus Christ being my  Savour and He is my only path that will lead into heaven; –  that I will keep right on questioning whether I deserve his grace and in doing so keep writting about my issues but it doesn’t matter because it’s all up to Him on who he gives the gift of grace to –  none of us deserve it – none of us deserved His dying on the cross but he did it anyways.

He does not see us for our fat bodies,  our indecent lives but into the heart that seeks him for all of our ills.

So I thank the Lord for sending his Max Lucado to remind me that it’s not by works that I receive his love anymore than a child should in order to receive love from their parent.

lyrics found on :http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=Atf5nKiGcXoyaSqFxTpEkjNR2vAI?p=lyrics+to+badfish+by+sublime&fr=my-myy&toggle=1&cop=&ei=UTF-8

Sublime is up high on the list – just like tht guilty box of sliced key lime cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory – way too bad for you and all so good!

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