I didn’t know this wasn’t a costume party

Don’t you hate it when that happens, all dressed up for a costume party and you didn’t get the meno? Yeah that’s me always showing up in the wrong outfit or saying the wrong things in the really wrong place like here where my blog is learning my path towards God, should have thought harder on the title and named it Lost Lamb, the Neurotic, more fitting, don’t you think?

It’s hard to face it but that is what happens with me – in the wrong placing writing the wrong things, so to take away this awkwardness I am going to alter my directions. Yes I am going to continue on my path of seeking a closer relationship with the Lord, just not there as mentioned in To Tell the Truth ..Or Not?

Now I am sure in time this all will be fixed but it is so hard when I am barely hanging on financially, without a job, caring for a child when I have no parental skills and lack the ambitions and it does make it so much more difficult when there are too many not enough of’s.

The other thing is in reading other blogs from people who are walking with the Lord, my blog site  makes this one dressed as a clown when they are in their best clothes. I don’t like clowns and  don’t want to be seen as a clown either so what I intend to do is what I have been doing, writing my thoughts on trying to get through another day of facing how to attain a new position, handling of a two-year old, my addiction and  love of music and taking my favorites songs out to bring back a sense of who I am, in hopes of finding my strength and it will of course be a tiny step towards the Lord, this is therapy and it will include that book that did set me towards this course. Though it has nothing to do with Jesus but if I can listen to metal and hear Jesus  I can find him there too and it’s really not far off course, it’s a mind control technique anyways.

Right now with everything including the physical issues this is very uncomfortable place in learning of the Lord, sometimes I wonder are there others like me struggling this hard? I cannot be alone in this or do most just plain give up at this point? I am stubborn which is as much a bad thing as it’s a good one because of this stubbornness not giving up at least just yet. Plus from what I hear about in losing weight doing it in small increments usually it stays off longer by building new habits instead of trying the crash diets that really are very unhealthy for you.

So to those who have bared with me, I thank you and for those who are seeking a more concrete answers of finding God there are a lot of good bloggers out there with lovely sites that will have answers but if you are like me having trouble, maybe it’s not just with the Lord but with your life I really would love to hear your stories. Seriously and in all truthfulness think it’s what I need to hear because the party would be so much more fun if I weren’t the only clown in the room, maybe you’re the one in the tutu and pink tights? Think I see you hiding in the corner…


2 thoughts on “I didn’t know this wasn’t a costume party

  1. You’re not alone!! I’ve had my struggles…everyone has struggles! Life is a big roller coaster ride! After you’ve been through a lot of bad times you know you always come out of it and there’s an “up” around the corner! Hang on tight…your “up” will come soon enough!!

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