Archive | September 2012

Lamb got her nose in deep, might explain the rod coming my way

It’s true you are looking at a yesterday’s lamb pic. Those eyes on this baby lamb, I couldn’t help myself, this one is way too cute and there’s a chance it could become my new logo.

In so much as you’re going to rapidly pick up on the fact that my departure for normalville was short lived, this train will be heading along the tracks of the lamb’s again and maybe this time there will  more dignity. I would like it if you would climb aboard and see where this train is going. My conductor has the controls so there is no fear to be had.

Maybe there’s a couple who are wondering about my yesterday’s deal. See I was awaken in small wee  hours of the night by a spark well I thought it was but the in the end it was a tingle but by some deranged reason  and it should be a crime to use “poem” to describe the outcome of this endeavor; which in my insanity had disturbed a lamb’s restless slumbering.  Admittedly the exercise was needed and favorable use for so many of my circumstances.

There was one, and it will be a while before I try that manuever again. Let’s kick that back to be rephrased – I will continue to try poetry, this lamb needs to use words more effectively than she has but will not afflict others in reading them. Then the  writing was a good lesson by stretching these muscles which are not overused enough for deep thinking on subjects of more relevance than worries.

A second form of therapy it bestowed for this lamb by bringing my attention away from what it was focused on to another place in a project. This move proved to be more beneficial than the rocks my eyes were hitting at the bottom.  My problem hasn’t been resolved as of yet; which involves a  yearning to be there for my son. In these days that have gone by spent time thanking the Lord for Stef having such good friends who are caring for him, just doesn’t seem right that he isn’t receiving care by this mother.

Really don’t want to keep sticking my nose in places of pity, because the Shepherd will grow weary and pull out that rod at his side. Even Stef who is in the throngs of woes is challenging his mother lamb through instructions. Twice he has said through caustic fatigue “to just look at the now and let the rest fall where it may otherwise it would destroy ” He said this was his way of not worrying about keeping his business rolling along. Stef is the owner and operator, so no production is happening for zombieperformance.com and he isn’t going to stress over the bills either. He furthers my education through more enlightenment that worrying wouldn’t pay them any faster. Think he knows a thing from it having been only 2 months and 3 weeks of his deer entanglement. He won then and think he will win again over the SUV.

While I did my usual dance with rethinking and rehashing and and mauled over his pics he threw up on Facebook ( I will not stick them up here because they are brutal) I scurdied away afraid that rod would really be taken out this time, saw that his friends are still coming up with names to give his new body.  Frankenstef so far still fits best with all the staples and rods and Lord know how many screws holding him together. His friends are kind in bathing him with complements that scars make for an attractive man. I switched gears it was getting to me though I knew better and went back to that so-called poem and my title of being normal and it being about time.

On the surface it did make my site more of the norm for the subject matter and one was kind enough in saying it was refreshing,  unfortunately haven’t replied to that. Better get on the ball. It was my toddler who has a nasty and messing head cold that’s keeping me and the tissue box pretty busy. Returning to the subject, the  matter was for this lamb refreshing as it was, this didn’t feel comfortable later on. Don’t know if it could be explained in any other way by this lamb but the wool just wasn’t right. Think I had slipped inside a different animals hide,  kind a nice being taller and you have no idea on how much I long for height I was clumsy once inside it. 

Then there was this part which wasn’t spoken about and for far too long of time I was stingy about revealing who I am. Being accepted for this lamb was just too important and it didn’t happen regardless of the efforts made. So I assume the failure was it was a false front and it wasn’t me. While the knowledge floats by saying that this lamb needs growth and confidence building but I don’t think covering up is the answer.

My undertaking of the poem may have been a way of side tracking tiring thoughts, also believed it would bring more traffic in. Isn’t that the reason our hidden wish that when that publish  button is hit that we would become the host of the party?

In a manner of speaking this lamb wants to be, always forgetting that this lamb needs to be humbling thyself at the feet of the Lord. With only a heart that wants to worship something far more important than everything we could ever dream up.

Our Lord is the one we need to sing praises for and bask in His glory for affections and not be striving for earthy prizes. In return for offering our silly broken hearts,  the Lord he takes over all of those problems that have been proven time and again that we cannot resolve.

Here’s some written words that won’t fail, because they are not the lambs words.

Psalm 6

1 Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger

or discipline me in your wrath.

2 Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;

heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.

3 My soul is in deep anguish.

How long, Lord, how long?

4 Turn, Lord, and deliver me;

save me because of your unfailing love.

5 Among the dead no one proclaims your name.

Who praises you from the grave?

6 I am worn out from my groaning.

All night long I flood my bed with weeping

and drench my couch with tears.

7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;

they fail because of all my foes.

8 Away from me, all you who do evil,

    for the Lord has heard my weeping.

9 The Lord has heard my cry for mercy;

    the Lord accepts my prayer. 1

0 All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;

    they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.

   Okay I quess I am sticking with my lamb just too many cute ones out there

found on: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=PsalM

+6&version=NIV

1st pic: handsoncards.com

2nd pic: hansbanansandbliss.tumblr.c…

3rd pic: alysonchamp.blogspot.com

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Ah right this lamb will be normal today, about time you think?

Maybe…

it could change…

like the opening of a new day

for taking a gander outside my window

towards a sunflower ablaze in the noon day’s sun,

standing unashamed and rejoices, maybe…

could it be…

my time for learning

of the blades of grass bending with the light from a glowing sun

never questioning, maybe…

there’s a chance…

for disembarking and be in tune with the moisture’s dew

who has already bid farewells,

knowing it will be restored to its rightful place. Maybe…

could it be…

 ears will hear the prompting from birds,

seeking their surroundings with glee

                                                                                                  singing carefree, maybe…

I could be…

like nature, singing with praises

as carefree as can be

and will…

move like the blades of grass with the ways of the Lord, maybe….

it could be…

experiencing a rebirth, being freed from the chains of disgrace

for standing in humility before His grace

worshipping without shame, maybe…

could it be…

to have the joy of the flowers, maybe…

                                                               it could be

                                   possible to kneel as the morning dew

returning to the original abandonment of the birds

before the Lord who cares for them

The same Lord who cares them cares for me, maybe…

could it be…

as carefree as thee

maybe…

it could be

this day.

 

pic: http://www.wallpaper4u.org

2nd pic: http://www.ewallpapers.eu

3rd pic: praisephotography.com

4th pic: handsoncards.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doesn’t matter just as long as there’s dancing in the streets

This lamb wants to be dancing in the streets! I want to drag out my old 80’s clothes and hop around with good ole Mick and David. Doesn’t that sound really good right now, dancing maybe a nice fruity drink with a skewer of more fruits wedges and topped with those artificially colored cherries that must be devoured by this lamb in seconds of the arrival. If there’s enough change in my purse I can be found at the nearby Sonics just so I can get my coke with those maraschino cherries. Most likely could buy a jar of them for half the cost of picking up a cherry coke there, then it would spoil the whole idea of a treat. It’s not a special anymore if you could have it at your whim, need to crave it and have it out of reach then when it’s there it will not disappoint. A lot of good things life are like that. If we danced in the streets all the time it wouldn’t feel as good as when you stole the moments.

Dancing in the streets may sound like the crazy part but it’s not so because the park just a block away is having their Fiesta Days and they are doing it up big for a town with only 1501 people in it. Bands have been playing for three days and I will announce right here and now –  music has an awe-inspiring future because these local bands were terrific, totally forgotten while they romancing the night with tasty tones,  my son completely out of it in a hospital 965 miles away, that many miles out of my reach. It’s so easy to fall into this pitfall.

Stay in rooted in pointless worries, I know in my heart The Lord can care for him much better than I could, doesn’t mean I do not want to be there, or shouldn’t be there.  Have nearly two weeks when I will be there in the mean time this lamb is learning what it is like to be peeled like an apple, stripped of the outer self-protection that has been placed there by none other than myself. A shield against what is so grueling in this world, life called by so many.

Joyce Meyers I listened to when it got too rough yesterday. Topic was battlefields of the mind. Good title, my head was in the full throngs of a heated battle – this was before the music drifted through my open window begging me to come join the party. Her message was really timely and had so much to offer in ways for moi needs to be  thinking like the Lord, moving in His direction when your feelings tell  you otherwise. She went on at this part, knowing that there is a feeling driven lamb eavesdropping in the wings. Pointed out that we are addicted to “feelings” and that is why we miss out on the blessings of the Lord.

Feelings – this lamb has too many raw emotions hanging out in the open, after so many, many years of keeping them buried. These feelings were pushed, stomped, embedded to not be felt or be seen, now they are running a muck all over the place and basically making a serious pigsty out of this life. Moderation is key, using them and recognizing they exist or depriving like I had done and then go to the other side of overindulgence. One extreme to the next.

Good news in my listening discovered what I hadn’t understood before. See with all of my frailties couldn’t grasp being saved, sins forgotten which is why I have trouble with the do’s and don’t lists. Of course I have to get better, this goes without saying, took some pressure off by just placing it on the side lines out of view and even avoided all readings of what a good Christian needs to be doing and not doing, stuck with all things that were remembering to rejoice in the Lord and the Psalm 23 and well known and possibly overused scripture, it’s just so easy to recite.

It says everything you need to know to get through a crisis and noncrisis situations and the part – He restores my soul  – don’t know about you but I can hear Cary Grants voice there! Remember in The Bishops Wife tail end of the movie when their professor friend walks up those steps – rats isn’t that David Niven there? Humm I know Cary Grant recited it somewhere in the movie.

Now that I have droned on about the movie it has nothing to do with what I learned, it was this – I am saved and I am forgiven but by not learning to think as the Lord wants me to – what I miss out on are the blessings, the better life that is intended for me and you and everyone who takes this path. It’s not the being saved unless you never really had it and that can only be if you never really wanted it in the first place.

Don’t know about you but I am greedy I want both the blessings and the eternity with Christ. That would call for some serious dancing in the streets wouldn’t it? Maybe its time to dig out that song cover with David Bowie & Mick Jagger. Should be a good Christian song but I don’t see the harm in that tune, think God likes it when we are happy when we have too many reasons to not be.

Isaiah 35:10

“And the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them,  and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”  (NIV)

Somewhere in here I want to send a wave of gratitude to barrentoblessed, I was shocked by her post Thank you. There was my blog site with a whole paragraph on this lamb. Scared the lamby, not used to being noticed and the words were so kind, made little doodles on the floor by it. Lambs have no control.

I have  known all along and wished my blogs were more what they are supposed to be, even the video of Joyce Meyers spoke of acting as you know it when you don’t know it about the Lord. I have never been good at pretending, have played the game and I didn’t like it at all. So  it was really nice to hear a kind a word from http://barrentoblessed.wordpress.com.  Her site by the way is one to run to for Christian encouragement.

1st pic: http://www.lolgallery.com

No cleansing involved just gone, can we try it this way for a change?

Earlier today began a draft which found its way into the circular file system. Never was this lamb in the typing business,  have had experiences with the typewriter and naturally sat down with a pad of yellow legal paper for jotting down ideas. I loved to write down these possibilities for my next steps. I could with a pad of paper go wander into a park or a sandy beach and sit with it, do  some doodling if it was inspired and always kept scrap papers by my landline phone for just that, at work and at home. I’d doodle light hearted swirls, puppy faces, big puffy clouds with a smiling sun. I could smell the ink as it oozed out from my  hand, free flowing uninhindered in its own will, moving me by its scents to keep leaving more ink behind until it smeared my palms moving across this yellow lined paper.

This was before the days of typed no make that keying everything in on to a computer where you also miss out on a bell’s tiny dings when reaching the opposite margin. Then it’s okay for this lamb not be fumbling anymore with adjusting paper on the roller or having to bring out that bottle of white out or use correction tape on errors when everything is done so neatly on this modern day computer. Unless you liked to sniff the white out bottles, then you could miss it but I don’t think anyone has missed the corrections tape or swapping out typewriters ribbons. For this lamb do not know which is worst replacing typewriter ribbons  or the toner in the printers, maybe the toners that is a messing job when its the laser printers and copiers. No I don’t miss that part in being unemployed.

You can take your laptop to the park, not the same experience as a pad of paper. First you have to be careful and with this old computer which I recently found out it was recalled something about it getting too hot. This I know thought one carefree day to lounge in my bed and search the internet, came close to burning my thigh. Yep that was in the days when I worked like a dog and actually deserved a day of leisure like that. Forget taking my Nook did do that, other than reading it’s a cantankerous task to type on, so I am not too interested in getting the last fad in tablets.

What I do miss about the old fashion way of writing is that unfallowable sensation from crumpling your sheet of paper that was declared unfit, a piece of po that deserved to be manhandled then tossed into the can. A certainty, one of the few things life gives away by allowing finality to pour over you as it lands with expert skills from the slam dunk it received. With a hurrah for skill it stays in there and is easily forgotten. I’m satisfied and moved on once again. You do not get that when you hit trash on your piece of crud, it’s just gone poof with no fanfare or a pause for a prayer of regret an dyou can just too easily send it out when  it belonged in the waste can, dont it too many times. But when I have made it disappears off my screen,  memory gone with it but it was empty at the start, like when you tie your shoes, you just do it, no feeling, no cleansing involved just gone.

Times of my life are like that, some decisions made are able to be undone with no  regrets, no actual memory of it being made even, it just stopped happening, gone without ever recalling I made that choice. Others like my divorce on the final day signing in court, it was done and I was a washed with a final document that it was over. Not to be taken out from the trash bin. A clean break. Mine was a clean break, seen some who had trouble even years after it ended. Mine was with a snap done. Never spoken about again, why now don’t know. There was no love loss by either parties you can say. Won’t get into the children who were the victims, we the adults weren’t.

A divorce should be a time for regret and it does as it carries so many with it, but there isn’t a point in taking that road because then it brings more harm to those innocent bystanders once again. Going through that ordeal of being married and then not had been hard on this lamb, but it was seen, I could feel the trouble, the uneasiness of that living. There may have been ways to repair it but I never did love him in the first place. It was a marriage of duty, being foolish in getting pregnant. Doing what I shouldn’t have been, thinking there won’t be repercussions. Always repercussions, they can come in, in a big way like that was, or they can be small quiet changes rerouting your life without even knowing it.

That is what I am going through since last year, small changes some of them are directing stemming from my choices to what was thrust on to indirectly and some not so directed but like my boys I have been affected. Getting into the these misfortunes is pointless. What I am looking for on my path is a firmness that comes from being absolutely certain that my next choice is in the Lord’s will. I want as much solid conviction that if its wrong it can be tossed into the waste can with as much gusto as that wadded up paper that was deemed unsuitable for anybody’s eyes. Bam it’s gone and walked away without a second thought, no lingering eyes looking back.

For the last three weeks have wondered about this job, where the schooling begins Monday, the one job that is awesome, who wouldn’t want to be a naturalist guide? Taking people around in an open air jeep. Tourist from around the world to see a fault line in the continents. I want this job, knowing full well it will break my bank account, and will give me at tops 2 to 3 days a week for a short spell. Inside my gut knew something was wrong. My first strike against myself is – was it my fault that something this bad would happened that would keep me from taking on this new step in my life?

I spoke it out loud, thought it in  my head then followed up if it’s in the Lord’s will he will take care of everything. This lamb is not used to trusting anything or anybody that completely to walk away without another round of fretting. I tried, I really tried was what this lamb did. For more than a week recanting with my heart “The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want” over and over, read it. Sometimes I didn’t feel it but went through with it anyways, and really spoke His words when it wasn’t what I wanted to do. The lamb wanted to seek shelter through music anywhere, over the phone but I needed to learn to be seeking Him even when it didn’t feel it would produce.

Back of my head did ease up on the position, the ominous grew with each passing day. Then this week I have been sorely lost, couldn’t find rest, moody, bitter by the twisting gut. My answer came and it can’t be tossed into the can, it can’t be retracted I have been dropped into a slot that is wrenching and tearing this lamb apart.

So I am trying at best once again that the Lord knows what he is doing, though I do not know and which I knew when I asked that he bring his light to my sons. In the middle of this lamb rejected the notion when a message rolled across my visual sight. The old saying be careful what you wish for couldn’t ring more true to this lamb than any other words spoken tonight. So I am quickly running bad towards the Lord knows what he is doing and count the blessing of his protection over my son who for the second time since July. He took on a deer on his bike back then and survived it, this time he went for the big one and that was a Mercedes SUV against his bike. The same green bike and him, deer lost last time, he is in trouble this time.

I sit here with no money and he is there in Oregon and I have to find a way to get there and I don’t even have the nerve to call the man who took a chance on me with the position. Spent the afternoon on the phone and facing all of my subtle decisions that were made in raising my three boys. All those days working showing them it’s important to work for your bread and roof. Chasing after money like my father did, thinking it would protect everyone even after he was long gone. I wished he spent that time with me, teaching me to be a better parent. I wished he taught me his knowledge of making decisions that were successful with building strong families that carried also into the work place. All of these things I missed that my sons also missed.

But in my failures taught my sons to not give up, my father never gave up either. So my son who took on machines of man and beasts, and survived, clearly both were the works of the Lord, is sitting in a hospital alone making comments on Facebook to let everyone know he’s not down yet. Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be there he is going to be wheel chair bound for a long time, he’s a fighter is all it means.

Well I will day I have always wanted to walk the Pacific Crest Trail, wonder if this is a good time to start? Hummm…I could just head towards Oregon, he’s going to be in the hospital for quite sometime, at least I am doing something other than sitting here missing him.

Good news when I looked up what happened discovered he is all over the web pages with his business Zombieperformance.com, check it out it’s pretty awesome work he does and hopefully will be back into the pink of things with his mother’s care.

Here’s a pic of him – not showing the leg way to gross.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is from his followers they got creative with his deer incident and now they are lighting up the new deal with these ideas. Humor does help so much doesn’t it? Stef’s last post was funny , can’t put it on this blog site a little raunchy. This one they suggested it’s sturdy enough for any object he throws himself against, in the way of deers and sliding through SUV’s

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He’s leaning towards this I think and this is the one with the unclean comments, something about having a babe magnet that comes with it. Really? Doubtful, will see him coming around the corner befor ehe gets there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was my choice and one of the perks of that job! PS pic stolen, couldn’t get the Desert Adventures to copy.Same set up.

Psalm 5:1-2

“Listen to my words, Lord,
consider my lament.
 Hear my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray”

 

 

 

 

 

 

1st pic: http://www.123rf.com

jeep tours stolen so quickly forgot where but this did come from a Sedona site, didn’t come up again when I went back, so sorry.

Do you know your place? I’m a lookin’ for mine

 

 

 

 

 

You are probably wondering on why I am asking this. Do I know my place?

At best trying to work this out and accepting the place I am in would be made easier to just step outside at night and lasso the moon. As much as I like that fantasy and aside at work – did know my place, this allotment is to why we are there. If you were at the head of command it is your duty to ensure the business is an oiled, running smoothly machine and always finding out the latest trends to stay ahead. It moves on down through the levels to the bottom who are the workers. All of the above are dependant on these workers to supply the products, the sales, keeping up the appearances  to be healthy for all with good standing order. If you’re good at there are times when for those lucky ones can move up but no one can exist without the other.

Schools – students also know their place and duties. If you are a student your job is learning and taking that knowledge to pass your exams, by doing what you are assigned this allows a cutting edge to provide foundations for a good future. As a teacher your place is instilling knowledge to these young minds that you have been blessed with, a necessity so that they can take up their place in life and if  you are really good at your place they leave with excitement, a strong sense of achievements. It moves on up the latter in the school system.

In life you of course begin as a child there are very little demands or even concerns which are met by the parents or the people who have taken on the charge of rearing children. You obey their rules and soon enough you are in school, obeying those rules. Everyone tells you along the way how important school is but most do not believe it. At least it was that way in my day of the 60’s experimenting with boundaries. I learned so well in school then I have trouble with not questioning over just plain taking in the facts.

In the two worlds of what  one transcends through even if your place of employment is crummy you still know your place, raising your family can and often is chaos in action but you know your purpose. Most days of parenting it is easily compared with a cattle roper’s, a calf wrestler – what is it called when they leap from a horse after a calf then tie up their feet? That’s the picture in my head, luckily for those kids it’s against the law to do that because they are experts at testing parental controls.

Moving back to those boundaries, changing it up,  making alterations can be enlightening, even invigorating. Your dreams for a better life soars through the roof as you do your mundane chores. People throughout history dreamt of being more than they are, the American dream with streets paved in gold. Where in the world did that come from? I have never lived there. But for those getting out of harsh winters to take on this lambs abode in the complacent California winter that I get and some like me would love to leave here and spent countless days, weeks possibly years in Europe, soaking up the culture.

As much as I would love to go on about where I would like to be I will return to the subject of our roles. So as a parent I knew my place, I was raising my sons, to do that I had to work, could have gone the welfare route but felt that all three of my sons learned it will not be handed over, you must work for your roof over your head and to keep food on the table. The lines blurred on what was the priority as a single parent. My pay was poor because my dream job wasn’t one that needed an education, it was know how, know someone and be in the right place at the right time. All it took was one obstacle to come crashing down. It was a series of dominos falling on top of each other blocking me from this destiny, to my sordid end. So planned on this line of work had not kept a back up plan for emergencies.

I hurried up and went with my second love in life cooking, restaurants. Got into management at the ripe age of 18, it was a jump-start, not knowing that at that age you tend to get taken advantage of, especially like me when the world was at my feet. I was on my own, savings account filling up, brand new car. I knew my place once again. Then life slips back in, slowly then it fell on my face at 23 when I was the fool, playing where I shouldn’t have been and ended up pregnant.

Shouldn’t say this was a mistake, my son is a delight and proud of him, kid can take on a deer and get right back up again as if nothing happened. He’s not a mistake but I was still in the wrong place, in a downward spiral working two-bit jobs to make ends meet. I naturally married my children’s father. As much as the church says the Lord wants families to be father mother I really should have skipped that part. He never was a father anyways, just there and like most people in my life uninvolved. I carried the load all by myself.

In return for making certain  my sons learn the ropes the right way they missed out on holidays which included Christmas, family gatherings because I was at my place, taking my position at a low earning job. Now I have no job, to know my place, I am caring for my Riley which sort of gives me a position, it’s a temp job and who knows how long this will run for.

In my entire life of living on this earth for 54 years I have heard “in the olden days” “it was like this” ” it was like that” in my 54 years things have changed. A lot. But they haven’t changed at all.

Doesn’t seem to make sense does it? They have changed and they haven’t changed, so which one is it?

We know what our places in life are, its whether we can accept those assigned positions in life and it has always been a test to figure out just exactly what they place is. Only the few the ones we call God loves them so much better people, seem to master their duties, the careers in which they have been ordained. Most of us shuffle around trying to find that notch that was made for you.

I haven’t found that. It’s the square peg stuck inside a round hole, jammed tightly squeezing and pushing to get out in order to get into where I am supposed to be. While I am in there I grumble about how is it possible that they can say God doesn’t have his favorites? You know the ones that step in and come out smelling fresh as a daisy, some of us are just busy trying to scrap it off of our shoes, even when you think you got it off the scent travels with you for a while as a reminder of the screw up.

Our needs have always been the same,  it doesn’t matter if we were living before the time of Christ or now, we need to feel needed, wanted. Where we live and how we live doesn’t matter does it? On the later part naturally  if you are the road of destruction through drugs, drinking and other forces that destroys lives this must be corrected. I am talking about the normal every day living needs and so of those on the rutted in bad paths are probably there because of bad choices made either by yourself or it began before you were born with your families. Feelings of guilt, loneliness, shame, love, happy, joy all those and so many more emotions have been with us forever and they are all attained through the same means no matter the dates.

How to get out of this uncomfortable position, maybe it’s just by staying in it? Could be in time I can learn to shut my mouth that may lead to the rewiring of my mind so that I can dream again. Ones where I am teaching Riley to tie her shoes and she’s picking up her lunch box for school and my refrigerator is adorned with her fine arts. When she’s old enough I can actually buy those oil paints and teach her how to use them. She’s already has an eye for drawing, just the other day at her nursery school, her coloring was a flesh toned crayon over the child’s face and the pants were another color (all completely out of the lines but in the right placements) I’d proudly show it off to everyone but I have a terrible camera on this phone of mine. Riley  is only 2 – 2 -1/2 on October 9th. She’ has also already made a face, really cute it’s right next to where her crib was, yeah that’s right she got a hold of a crayon as she took her nap. She is now in her big girl bed and the picture is seen very clearly where she made it.

Maybe a good job will be coming my way soon, where I can be creative.

Do you think this unsettlement comes from not knowing your place in life? Though I know it is to worship the Lord, I hear we are to be his hands too, but I have no idea what my gifts that he wants me to use are.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we were born with an outline of what we are to do? Not a generic one, we have that! A for real outline, this is what you are to do and these are the ways to do it. Example:

Lost Lamb your task if you shall take this on is:

1. School – go all the way through to college (forget that music path – I know you will be tempted just forget it)

2. Work on career first – do not marry that guy you will know it when he comes along – guarantee you will know this.

3. Your career is School counselor – get those kids excited about school – your country is depending on it

4. You will meet the right man for you here – Sunday’s in the back row he sits quietly, glasses and he has green eyes again you         will  know him by the brown suede jacket deep pockets on the side, sips up and a white shirt,  – it will be in the year 1986   November just before Thanksgiving – and if you don’t find him you snooze you loose.

5. Wait two years for the children

6. When you hit your fifties take up your soup spoon and hit the food lines for dishing out.

You get my drift here, but even with this in, life would be challenging and of course there is always freedom of will, making choices. Then it is all on you right? Can’t go around crying the Lord is unfair anyways.

My grand baby Riley is good with picking out her movies on the computer and she happened to have found Antz, not my first choice for a two year old but I wonder in my teens did watch Woody Allen a lot, his voice in the main character which portrayed his usual style, think he done rubbed off on me. Yeah he did…

Thank God that I am not in control over our Lord!

Psalm 6:4

“Return, O Lord, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies’ sake

 

 

pic:pinterest.com

 

 

 

 

 

Coming up for air, stunned!

While some know I took a couple of days off, really wanting to dig beyond what is me. During this time was given an award nomination by http://lifeof24hours.wordpress.com Tapish Gupta. Thank you very much for the Lovely Blog nomination.

Still having trouble going beyond the me world because someone out there may have really needed to hear they are doing a good job. Not too many of us get to hear that or often enough and this has sat for two or more days. To those who needed to hear it sooner I hope it is still timely.

In sending out the last award nominations discovered that some are perplexed in passing it on. This is understandable and takes time to produce. Things arise and I don’t want to leave anyone behind and yet it is consuming to piece together, so no I am not willing to endorse adding more entries into the bloggers pool.

One thing there is that I had picked up on and while I am usually reading through a Nook which is not a good source to fully feel the impact a blogger wants,  it is way better than nothing at all. Riley takes me away quite often so I had not come to a place where I began to see some of my usual sites were not showing up. It loads by 24 posts and I pick up when it adds them in. I follow way more than that and some of the names on my side bar are sparse to what I love to find for reading. One  or two who I did plan on placing here couldn’t even find. Maybe they are on hiatus maybe they left. If so too bad, did come to miss them.

So please enjoy your awards and for those of  you who missed out, I am sure your time will come around, sooner over later and it was only a matter of space because you do deserve a nod too.

Since I am trying to do the right thing and follow the format. (think I tried everyone’s patience with the last list) So to those of you who I extend this award nomination to, I picked you for your talents, creativity, adventures you are willing to take, your bluntness, uniqueness of your character in your recipes, or I just plain liked dropping by every now and then and you made me comfortable when I had gotten there.

7 things about me?

1. I like to eat – working on it

2. What’s better than eating? Cooking and yet I enjoy when some one else fixes me a meal and I don’t care if it’s one of those frozen Totino’s pizzas either.

3. Walks – parks, beach in the mountains through a mall with friends as along as I am walking

4. Rather canoe over jet skiing – like calms serene activities unless it is a rock concert

5. Family , my grand baby who is now resting against my back with a head cold, so sad when the little ones are sick. Friends are important and learning to place the Lord above them all. A bit difficult

6. Making things with my hands

7. My pets are my best friends that I can be with every day and they always welcome me as if they hadn’t seen me in years and it was only a few minutes that I had stepped away.

So I am passing this lovely award nominations to:

(I would like to place my reasoning on why but I think I tested everyone’s patience on that but just know those who didn’t get it once again it was just a matter of not enough room.)

For those of you who are receiving it, I love your characters seen on your postings, the talents in the photos the adventure, recipes that are usually unusual and  your just plain bluntness and fun when I drop by  your places. So many of you including those who are missing out are just great. Period.

1.http://hikingphoto.com/

2.http://privyplace.wordpress.com/

3.http://shittalkinnick.wordpress.com/

4.http://ldl100.wordpress.com/

5.http://loveandlunchmeat.com/

6.http://theladyjournal.wordpress.com/

7.http://welcometothemotherhood.wordpress.com/

8.http://mollyalicenests.com/

9.http://barrentoblessed.wordpress.com/

10.http://twominutesofgrace.wordpress.com/

11.http://chestermaynes.wordpress.com/

12.http://derekberry.wordpress.com/

13.http://cristianmihai.net/

14.http://fadingmeta.wordpress.com/

15.http://takenbysound.com/

Yes I was stunned when I came back up and found this gift to bless others with. ;0

 

Psalm 4: 7-8

You have put more joy in my heart

than they have when their grain and wine abound.

In peace I will both lie down and sleep;

for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

 

pic: depositphotos.com

 

 

Where does this lost lamb begin?

Took a few days off from writing on here, I say here because did work on my book. Though I was already bowing out of Neurotic Lamb for a couple of days to work on that piece that will be so awesome it will hit the Freshly Pressed and it will be that good it would work like gangbusters. Well that is highly questionable because I am not that good, though the challenge is doing some good in keeping  my mind off of stuff which is why I set myself away from this postings because it was becoming , geez how do I say it? It’s not the blogging, or the website it was me who was obsessive over those tiny little stars and those frigin stats, driving me crazy.

Hate to say it but I really was getting a bad taste for jealousy over so many having so much traffic and my site won’t say it could  hardly be traffic at all but will mention with gratitude and very impressed with those that have routinely returned. First of all they are awesome at what they do, maybe their talent will rub off too? That’s my plan they don’t know it so hush please don’t tell them but they will leave little bits of themselves and I will one day be as good as them. So hush now don’t tell anyone, we can’t all be great  you know.

Besides my nonsense, in came another which  was already  known even wrote one or two posts on the subject. See the problem is I named this Learning MY Path Towards Gods. It’s the My, me’s, I’s, they beauty of having a blog is writing all the things people rarely give you time to say. Expressing all those feelings that no one has shown an interest in you about. It felts so good to get stuff off of my chest. Liberating wouldn’t you say?

Problem is in learning the path towards God I am supposed to give up myself to get there which has been the major topic in all of the blogs. A little over done should I say? It’s just seems like a mission impossible tasks. Do you think they should try that in the movie franchise to take Tom Cruise and have him just try to break away from his nasty habits and see just how successful he would be? Maybe that why they have him jumping off of building, railroad trains and other such dangerous duties, it’s most likely more probable for success and would need a lot less safety nets around too.

So back to a more fresh reasoning, is that I named it that way because in all concerns that I do not know the path, so there was no way I could make it ” a path towards God” or ” how to learn your path towards God” it had to be” my path” in order to not fool others into thinking I would know anything about how the Lord works.

Naturally seasoned walkers with God would know that I am doing  it all wrong but another who is like me wouldn’t get it, maybe not, it still wasn’t worth the risk. This other part was and is still attached in my foolish tendencies is there is just so much going on out there. Sitting in my room barely hanging on almost feels I am being forced to watch  it all unfold and there isn’t a finger I can lift to stop it, slow it down or anything.

Rioting over cartoons and films seems like unreasonable reactions, look I am all for standing by your faith but to hurt another because of it maybe one needs to rethink things. The paster pointed out how Christian sat idle to Jesus’s cross being placed into a jar of urine, declared art and everyone has seen South Park’s Jesus.

The moderate reasonable family of the Islamic faith must be trembling because of these people who really are just using all of this faith strike that out religion to be violent. Wish that it could be explained that they are being used by Satan, instead of their God. Now I have no education on how any religion works, don’t even get my own faith of Christianity. Heaven or hell for them don’t know but for this kind of behavior to happened you would have to come to terms on how hard and difficult their lives are. The oppression has got to be unbearable to break so many into this temper.

Of course Satan is in a hurry to get his hands on everyone because he knows his days are numbered. My days are numbered, your days are numbered, will we be ready?

I don’t know if I will be. Last night my friends the one who so many of you were kind enough to join in the blog chain for prayer she wrote a book. This book tells her story and it wasn’t pretty unfortunately it was an all to common story of pain and abuse, hard to take but it wasn’t nearly as hard to comprehend as her expressing how Jesus fills her void – the hole in her heart and fills her needs. Since I have begun this journey feel as though my hole has grown wider and deeper. The pain of loneliness and self-worth has ballooned. A little note in the back of my head says this is Satan’s work, another little clips says when you purge your body of toxins you will be sick before you get better. I remember also in spring cleaning you make a huge mess before it the house becomes spotless (why is that?) and this is why I am trying to stay on course.

Where can I begin, or do I do not know but what can be said is thank you to those who kept a an ear on what I have written, to those who did send out their prayers which by the way one that I had asked for is coming back to our WordPress world blogging,http://athomewithgod.wordpress.com  so thank you even more so for helping in her healing process which is still on going and remember tomorrow is for my friend’s appointment for the decision on what is to be done for the brain tumor.

I can be thankful for the award nomination given to me by  Tapish Gupta http://lifeof24hours.wordpress.com Personally just the very fact of being able to connect around the world is the real excitement is at and what lead to my obsession in the stats, just seeing the countries lit up on the map, didn’t get that coming in would happen. On that note will be doing the blog to pass on the nominations today my Riley is feeling needy. Hope I get all my typos done before she really pushes on her neediness.

My grand baby did her first finger painted hand and she looks so cute in that new hair cut that the brush is much more kind in brushing without all of those tangles gone. And lastly but not least I am thankful for the grace of God in giving each of us more chances to learn.

                                                                                    Psalm 91

New International Version (NIV)

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High  will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a] 2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,  my God, in whom I trust.”3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare   and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;   his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,   nor the plague that destroys at midday. 7 A thousand may fall at your side,  ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. 8 You will only observe with your eyes  and see the punishment of the wicked.9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”  and you make the Most High your dwelling, 10 no harm will overtake you,   no disaster will come near your tent. 11 For he will command his angels concerning you  to guard you in all your ways; 12 they will lift you up in their hands,  so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;   you will trample the great lion and the serpent.14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;  I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;   I will be with him in trouble,  I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him     and show him my salvation.”