Vicariously inside my cave

That has become, well more than that and all I can say is as of yesterday this little lamb has grown tired of it. My life of solitude in watching others living as I am huddled deep within this place is just too much. Sometimes when things are rough and many wolves are preying on the outer perimeters of this stone enclosure it kinda feels safe in  here. Then there are those dark echoes of my status of solo living  but it is just what it is. Vicariously just like the Tool song.

Digging back in to this dwelling within a home of  rocks I know as a lost lamb is to be filled by the Lord and the blood of Jesus Christ but my life has a hole as big as the Pacific Ocean and though I know in time the Lord will repair this, just need to create in me a reason to move forward.

This cave dwelling moved in deeper through hunting for a job only to bring on those rejections letters and it really knocks it out of this overstuffed lamb. Though I am not alone in this quest that is as wild as chasing  geese, unless it happens to be Grey Goose but who has the dough for that? Tons of people are experiencing exactly what I am saying. Especially in those denials  showing up in email and  the mail box right beside the collections letters of the bills that cannot be paid.

So what I am doing has been to create a second blog and I did go with ” Your Neurotic Lamb” where bits and pieces of my book will show up because of content it cannot go here and have plans to dig into those  Tool and other such  bands lyrics. My heart still belongs to the Lord but to be perfectly honest, which is most likely not appropriate but it goes like this. When I write my goal is to talk with the Lord  in this blog but because of too many years of being single in this hard world I do beg for those little gold stars. It is my only what can you call it, well my only hugs outside my baby grand child which by the way those are wonderful. I wish that I didn’t need more unfortunately I do. The Lord may not care for that coming from me, but what do you do when you feel so small, like an insect in this great big world? Remeber the movie Grand Canyon with Kevin Kline and Danny Glover and they are standing on the edge? That’s the feeling, except I don’t have either one of those handsome men standing next to me. I know Jesus is with me but other than being told have no idea that He is there.

Having a blog that is intended for the Lord makes it kind of hard to promote it between me and him, could be because I suck at it. Outside that do like it when someone has related to my awkward ways of handling things.

My fears which have been a major problem is will I be able to keep the Lord first? And I hope it will actually make that a firm yes. Many of you already know that I have been struggling with the issues of this blog site not  lining up with other believers and it hasn’t because I am not confident in myself. So I am praying that this will resolved that and soon afterwards be taken out of this life that is being lived vicariously within the confines of my four walls.

But because I have been living vicariously through my only means which is all you bloggers like yesterday in getting caught up once again in reading the daily posts I have learned so many valuable lessons and information. Reading the enthusiasm people have for the superheros and shows though it’s never been a passion of mine I love the passion and the depth of thought that is taken and reading these very thought out well written was such a reprieve that I completely enjoyed myself. I was reminded of westerns movies that was completely forgotten about which also brought me back to Clint Eastwood and his strange delivery speech and his cowboy spaghetti films. You do have to say that as wild as it was it will last longer than Andy Warhol fifteen minutes of fame.

Because of you my rights as a woman after seeing the life of women in other parts of the world should not be taken to lightly, a young girl with her beauty tips. On the surface that may not seem important but as my position of not working goes further and longer away so has my care of myself diminished as well. That is not a good thing so beauty tips are important reminders that we should take care of the bodies that the Lord blessed us with which takes me to the weight lost posting of creating commitment in your life to do more than one says. I can go on and on, when seeing videos of people and being able to witness in a short time a difference one makes on others, whether  it be just passing by or in for the long haul but it looks good to see when two who are meant to meet do.

As the blue moon passes this lamb has gratitude in the very fact that God is indeed merciful and unselfish with his grace by providing this venue where someone as this lamb can find a moments of peace. So my plans for here is continue working it out with the Lord and as so many have done so well recall what I am grateful for. So thank you so much and have a very blessed day.


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