Do you know your place? I’m a lookin’ for mine






You are probably wondering on why I am asking this. Do I know my place?

At best trying to work this out and accepting the place I am in would be made easier to just step outside at night and lasso the moon. As much as I like that fantasy and aside at work – did know my place, this allotment is to why we are there. If you were at the head of command it is your duty to ensure the business is an oiled, running smoothly machine and always finding out the latest trends to stay ahead. It moves on down through the levels to the bottom who are the workers. All of the above are dependant on these workers to supply the products, the sales, keeping up the appearances  to be healthy for all with good standing order. If you’re good at there are times when for those lucky ones can move up but no one can exist without the other.

Schools – students also know their place and duties. If you are a student your job is learning and taking that knowledge to pass your exams, by doing what you are assigned this allows a cutting edge to provide foundations for a good future. As a teacher your place is instilling knowledge to these young minds that you have been blessed with, a necessity so that they can take up their place in life and if  you are really good at your place they leave with excitement, a strong sense of achievements. It moves on up the latter in the school system.

In life you of course begin as a child there are very little demands or even concerns which are met by the parents or the people who have taken on the charge of rearing children. You obey their rules and soon enough you are in school, obeying those rules. Everyone tells you along the way how important school is but most do not believe it. At least it was that way in my day of the 60’s experimenting with boundaries. I learned so well in school then I have trouble with not questioning over just plain taking in the facts.

In the two worlds of what  one transcends through even if your place of employment is crummy you still know your place, raising your family can and often is chaos in action but you know your purpose. Most days of parenting it is easily compared with a cattle roper’s, a calf wrestler – what is it called when they leap from a horse after a calf then tie up their feet? That’s the picture in my head, luckily for those kids it’s against the law to do that because they are experts at testing parental controls.

Moving back to those boundaries, changing it up,  making alterations can be enlightening, even invigorating. Your dreams for a better life soars through the roof as you do your mundane chores. People throughout history dreamt of being more than they are, the American dream with streets paved in gold. Where in the world did that come from? I have never lived there. But for those getting out of harsh winters to take on this lambs abode in the complacent California winter that I get and some like me would love to leave here and spent countless days, weeks possibly years in Europe, soaking up the culture.

As much as I would love to go on about where I would like to be I will return to the subject of our roles. So as a parent I knew my place, I was raising my sons, to do that I had to work, could have gone the welfare route but felt that all three of my sons learned it will not be handed over, you must work for your roof over your head and to keep food on the table. The lines blurred on what was the priority as a single parent. My pay was poor because my dream job wasn’t one that needed an education, it was know how, know someone and be in the right place at the right time. All it took was one obstacle to come crashing down. It was a series of dominos falling on top of each other blocking me from this destiny, to my sordid end. So planned on this line of work had not kept a back up plan for emergencies.

I hurried up and went with my second love in life cooking, restaurants. Got into management at the ripe age of 18, it was a jump-start, not knowing that at that age you tend to get taken advantage of, especially like me when the world was at my feet. I was on my own, savings account filling up, brand new car. I knew my place once again. Then life slips back in, slowly then it fell on my face at 23 when I was the fool, playing where I shouldn’t have been and ended up pregnant.

Shouldn’t say this was a mistake, my son is a delight and proud of him, kid can take on a deer and get right back up again as if nothing happened. He’s not a mistake but I was still in the wrong place, in a downward spiral working two-bit jobs to make ends meet. I naturally married my children’s father. As much as the church says the Lord wants families to be father mother I really should have skipped that part. He never was a father anyways, just there and like most people in my life uninvolved. I carried the load all by myself.

In return for making certain  my sons learn the ropes the right way they missed out on holidays which included Christmas, family gatherings because I was at my place, taking my position at a low earning job. Now I have no job, to know my place, I am caring for my Riley which sort of gives me a position, it’s a temp job and who knows how long this will run for.

In my entire life of living on this earth for 54 years I have heard “in the olden days” “it was like this” ” it was like that” in my 54 years things have changed. A lot. But they haven’t changed at all.

Doesn’t seem to make sense does it? They have changed and they haven’t changed, so which one is it?

We know what our places in life are, its whether we can accept those assigned positions in life and it has always been a test to figure out just exactly what they place is. Only the few the ones we call God loves them so much better people, seem to master their duties, the careers in which they have been ordained. Most of us shuffle around trying to find that notch that was made for you.

I haven’t found that. It’s the square peg stuck inside a round hole, jammed tightly squeezing and pushing to get out in order to get into where I am supposed to be. While I am in there I grumble about how is it possible that they can say God doesn’t have his favorites? You know the ones that step in and come out smelling fresh as a daisy, some of us are just busy trying to scrap it off of our shoes, even when you think you got it off the scent travels with you for a while as a reminder of the screw up.

Our needs have always been the same,  it doesn’t matter if we were living before the time of Christ or now, we need to feel needed, wanted. Where we live and how we live doesn’t matter does it? On the later part naturally  if you are the road of destruction through drugs, drinking and other forces that destroys lives this must be corrected. I am talking about the normal every day living needs and so of those on the rutted in bad paths are probably there because of bad choices made either by yourself or it began before you were born with your families. Feelings of guilt, loneliness, shame, love, happy, joy all those and so many more emotions have been with us forever and they are all attained through the same means no matter the dates.

How to get out of this uncomfortable position, maybe it’s just by staying in it? Could be in time I can learn to shut my mouth that may lead to the rewiring of my mind so that I can dream again. Ones where I am teaching Riley to tie her shoes and she’s picking up her lunch box for school and my refrigerator is adorned with her fine arts. When she’s old enough I can actually buy those oil paints and teach her how to use them. She’s already has an eye for drawing, just the other day at her nursery school, her coloring was a flesh toned crayon over the child’s face and the pants were another color (all completely out of the lines but in the right placements) I’d proudly show it off to everyone but I have a terrible camera on this phone of mine. Riley  is only 2 – 2 -1/2 on October 9th. She’ has also already made a face, really cute it’s right next to where her crib was, yeah that’s right she got a hold of a crayon as she took her nap. She is now in her big girl bed and the picture is seen very clearly where she made it.

Maybe a good job will be coming my way soon, where I can be creative.

Do you think this unsettlement comes from not knowing your place in life? Though I know it is to worship the Lord, I hear we are to be his hands too, but I have no idea what my gifts that he wants me to use are.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we were born with an outline of what we are to do? Not a generic one, we have that! A for real outline, this is what you are to do and these are the ways to do it. Example:

Lost Lamb your task if you shall take this on is:

1. School – go all the way through to college (forget that music path – I know you will be tempted just forget it)

2. Work on career first – do not marry that guy you will know it when he comes along – guarantee you will know this.

3. Your career is School counselor – get those kids excited about school – your country is depending on it

4. You will meet the right man for you here – Sunday’s in the back row he sits quietly, glasses and he has green eyes again you         will  know him by the brown suede jacket deep pockets on the side, sips up and a white shirt,  – it will be in the year 1986   November just before Thanksgiving – and if you don’t find him you snooze you loose.

5. Wait two years for the children

6. When you hit your fifties take up your soup spoon and hit the food lines for dishing out.

You get my drift here, but even with this in, life would be challenging and of course there is always freedom of will, making choices. Then it is all on you right? Can’t go around crying the Lord is unfair anyways.

My grand baby Riley is good with picking out her movies on the computer and she happened to have found Antz, not my first choice for a two year old but I wonder in my teens did watch Woody Allen a lot, his voice in the main character which portrayed his usual style, think he done rubbed off on me. Yeah he did…

Thank God that I am not in control over our Lord!

Psalm 6:4

“Return, O Lord, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies’ sake







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