I am on the net surfing like a mad woman and it feels so good to be sitting here writing again. What a thrill ride life can be that at one moment you take something like this for granted then the next it is the best high ever! And yes I mean high without all the bad side effects to deal with afterwards other than questioning when can you get this fix again?! Well who knows but here I am. Yesterday my Nook let me reblog Theresa’s picture and I did so because it does feel so good when you see a group of young minds being positive and interacting with their brilliant smiles. I think it’s infectious and would rather see this over the junk I see more than not. Would you agree?
Speaking on smiles and positive energy my test of breaking new grounds for my path has so far been really, really good! Will note it has only been four whole days, so it could be short sighted but in these four days have also dealt with more of life’s crap so it hasn’t been the breeziest of times for restructuring an old mind into a new one but it has been way better than before. If I do stumble on bad thoughts of not doing it right I erase it, throwing it right out of the window with the dirty bath water so to speak. My readings in the Bible may not be right but it is picked and chosen by finding only what lines praise the Lord and not reading the words that say I am unfit. They say we are not to do that but at this stage of my game it is the best I can handle. There could be a time after I have built a strong foundation to tackle training that well rebuild who I am – for now this will have to do.
It does bring a question in mind when I did come across a blogger’s post on Christians leaving the church and their thoughtful concerns of missing out on the fellowships that offer support to their faith. This is a deep very noted worry for many believers and one of the reason for why I had begun this posts. What I saw in so may others I wasn’t getting it. People spoke about their issues but then they would say how the Lord answers their prayers and fills their wholes. The Lord has not really answered my prayers and my whole was growing wider and deeper. I wasn’t getting it and I certainly wasn’t receiving any support from the churches either. First of all they never approached me, at the beginning when everyone exchanges greetings none of it was sincere nor did they even acknowledge me. They warmly greeted everyone around me but not me unless I looked at then long enough they had to.
Now that I am away I am not being reminded every Sunday of just how invisible I am. As a matter of fact a gorgeous butterfly greeted me on a path and followed along the trail for a good length of time this made me feel not only happy but special. They are very timid like I am and we found each other. My three dogs and kitten think the world of me and so do my birds. Riley my grandbaby also screams and shrieks loudly when she comes around a corner and finds me there. So I am not intolerable, so why would I go some place that makes me feel so unwelcomed?
For the Lord I have hope in Him building relationships that are unique to everyone and what fits for one does not fit for another and I think I feel pretty lucky to be able to praise Him in my way which is the best that I can be is to smile at the grace that He offers.