Figuring out on where to begin

Don’t know where to start and a lot of water has gone under this bridge and in taking a gander on where to leap into the flowing currents is hard. Brutally challenging but must be done in order to change my course. Sometimes these moments are good you know – keeping the blood smoothly traversing through the veins, feeding brain cell to remain a viable healthy organ.

So I have to abide my time on assorted projects – the one that gets me is the self loathing kind of work up. Amazing how much of that task absorbs the hours into days and heaven forbid it calms down at bedtime. That really kicks into high gear – stressful work and yet this carrier isn’t necessary but it gets done. Very well by me and sad part is I can’t stick that one a resume. Maybe thankfully it can’t be – hate to think a potential employer being in need of hiring a knucklehead. Could you just imagine what kind of work that would be? Might be stretching the curve for eligibility but the world could use crash dummies to perform in jams.

In this hard head it has also contemplated my few months on this road in finding the Lord, to be honest haven’t made a ton of progress here. Then I am my own worst critic. I can say proudly the only main lesson so far under my belt is that there is no way I could ever agree against the possibility of this world arriving without God. Adding with a great deal in glee that there will be no misguiding words to be used in conversations or heated debates against Jesus Christ not being my nor anyone else’s Lord and Savor. Would I past the part where I would become a martyr? Don’t think so not as of yet. Bit squeamish coming to pain. Don’t think anyone can say in advance they could make it through it but I would sell what I hold on to with fondness – my right arm to avoid it, is all I am saying.

Learning though it’s not cemented in to become a habitual trait, keeping my eyes up high and not on what I am naturally drawn to – worry, frustrations, you know the bad stuff. Still enjoying the duties in soaking up the small goodies in the day. Forgetting that I would really love to dwell on the big treasures – the spending spree at a Michael’s craft store or even try out some new clothing that can be purchased – that’s chicken feed easy to get excited over but scrapping the bottom of the barrel and coming up with a juicing prize takes work. Or does it?

For instance I got a chance to run over to Winco – boy talk about getting riled up and in talking about shopping then getting to go for food, just my favorite subject, so I was in an extra lively mood. Stepping outside then jammed for the door going for a winter coat. The wind was piercing right through my tee. One thing about the desert is it can be just as cold as it can be hot! Air here goes from warm and toasty to solid form, able to carve your flesh right from the bones and what is left will be dried out for jerky. No matter the lotion it will not be enough to keep the crocodile leather off of you. Any how it was briskly cold and the wind – not too far away they have rows miles deep of wind turbines – so you can imagine at how fast that wind can gallop over the land. I got into the vehicle and had to warm the tinsy beast up, good time to apply my lipstick and as I was digging into the bottom of my purse I happened to have seen this very good size green grasshopper, the kind where you can see the adorable face eating your cucumber leaves in the summer time.

They really are the cutest things, can see how Disney had no trouble creating such sweet character out of Jimmy Cricket – Oops, Jimmy would hate to hear that so please don’t tell him about my slip up. Keep getting off track but this cute guy took a leap just as the wind got a second wind and I watched him do a couple of back flips then seriously took a nose dive right into the dirt when it let up. He laid there and I could read his thoughts. Here’s my crude script of his inner workings…..












So yes it can be very difficult to see the light in the hard times but then it can also be hysterical when found, just wish I could laugh a little more at myself when I make stupid mistakes like venturing out in bad weather like this little green guy did. I can tell my bad days to others and make them and me laugh it up but when it goes down I have a sour puss sneer on my face and that isn’t funny, well it does look pretty ridiculous.

Missing you all, hope everyone has a awesome Thanksgiving just incase I never see the computer again 🙂








1st pic:

2nd pic:


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