It could be a vital part that takes place when it comes to a close of a year. A tradition of thinking and thinking. So it is with me and I am still heading down the wrong road in looking just too much at the past. My rear mirror shows off just too much to take and the mistakes – oh good grief so plentiful! It’s not so much today in dredging through by looking into the rear just to fix my present situation because it is clearly at a point that only prayers can be of use as reminded in today’s post by Mustard Seed Budget. The post “Less than two and half men” made the point whether I liked it or not but I knew that this was going to be the only way.
Even though it has been known all along but it can be so hard waiting – almost seems in vain like the old Bob Marley tune. As much as I enjoy the tune and know in the heart of the what “real” job I should be performing to the best of my abilities. Better than when I was a worker then I made sure it was to the very best, Then when the mood didn’t strike me to work so hard would bring out a mental the note that contained instructions for how all our work is to be for the Lord. In praising him just don’t know why I falter but it is weak.
This isn’t really the subject for me to work out it is brought about by the book mentioned in ways yesterday and it was scooped up and has taken flight by another poster and their article. Better explain that I haven’t read beyond the title. It is about a young girl selling her virginity for charity of all things. I will admit in the past have sold all kinds of things and have given some thoughts to what else can be sold – like my voice for phone sex operator. Silly I know but I am desperate but to have to actually listen to the other end of the line – just really do not want that much information about a person even if it means keeping a roof over my head. This lamb has seen what can happen just delivering pizzas can you imagine when they are paying you to hear their deep dark secret desires. Eeugh makes me shake my head with grossness.
To give away such an important key to who you are is amazing for money of all things. Charity really? Think it really is a point that the world feels we are nothing if we aren’t famous. Nonsense then this lamb thinks back to when she lost her own jewel in innocence and it gets confusing. The door had been tripped when I wasn’t quite in first grade. My mother would go visit the neighbors and their sons teenage sons would watch my sister and I. They loved to play the game hide and seek and you can image what happened when I hid.
Then at thirteen it was the sexual revolution my step father gave me the sex talk and made it seem perfectly okay just use this condom. It was all weird I wasn’t comfortable with the talk but when I reached fifteen that okay came into mind so loud and strongly so that was the age I formally gave it away. In the years haven’t thought too much about any of the situations not the one at 5 when others spoke of their horrors. It didn’t line up with theirs so mine didn’t feel so bad and its better to keep it a secret never did I tell a soul until maybe 2 years ago then no details ever have been given out and I won’t – not here either. It’s not important really it’s just that I did want to have been with only one person a husband in my life that wasn’t the case. I haven’t been with as many as so many other women but it has been too many that I cared for. So it galls me to think girls are not thinking clearly as they give it away to any one. I know this is true because I have seen it over and over and it seems to increase as time go by.
Why is it after all the revolution of women trying to explain we are worth more than meeting mens sexual needs are these young things thinking they are supposed to be giving it away? The boys too don’t seem to value their own bodies and they really don’t understand that sex doesn’t equal love or happiness.
The Lord says we are made for so much more and the world declares we are nothing without sex and fame and if it takes one to get the other that is just alright. Makes you wonder how weird and so far off track the world has gotten and it’s so damaging isn’t it?
For a long time I hadn’t measure the cost in those decisions, there was always no escaping the powerful effect it had over me. It pains me to think of what these girls are going to go through when and prayerfully wake up and I do hope they do. Not for the pain to begin but for the healing that will follow so that the cycle can be broken.
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.