Archive | January 2013

Learning the worst about yourself

Been a while since I came to this place. Sometimes what I blotted was fine then there were the times I spilled my insides because of not getting it right with God. So it shouldn’t be a surprise for anyone to discover that I am doing it again. I maybe dealing with it rightly or wrongly but there has been more days that I am emotionally doing better. Having found a project that I care about in the works is giving me a purpose, which is effecting my attitude.

A better outlook is becoming a more attractive lifestyle since I smile more than before. With these slight improvements are in themselves astounding, over the mere fact that not a single thing has improved and haven’t since I first began my quest here in the world of blogging. I am still going without anyone to converse with, or have another party on the other end of my phone calls equally interested in what I am getting into. Somehow this task in the works is helping me  tremendously in getting over these humps in my life.

I feel over all pretty good. That was until a test came by last night. See I have high blood pressure issues. No big deal, take a pill and it’s resolved. I think there is more to it because at times it doesn’t matter. I am awaken in the middle of the night. Tummy swollen, heart racing, a hand or for last night a finger feeling numb. Weird kind of numb because it makes this known to me by sending a very uncomfortable message. These all happen first before the choking sensation scares me as I lie in my bed alone. Well last night I wasn’t alone, my granddaughter was sleeping with me. Naturally in her sleep wanted to lay on my agonizing stomach.

This is the worst part. I have learned to just crawl out of bed flip on a random comic stand up act and wait it out. I know that if I had health insurance this problem would go away, since I don’t have found other measures that eases the discomfort. Blue collar tour works real well, Chris Titus and who ever else is easy to pick up. Seen quite a few over the years. Last night however wasn’t able to do that.

My grand baby, has bounced back and forth from her mom to me three times in the course of less than two weeks. She is feeling that especially at night where she cries in her sleep. So every time I made a move last night she whimpered. It was either deal with my situation or add the high pitch squeals from her. I choose to stick it out. Not a good move.

The pain grew and as it did so did my misery showing up in my mind spewing nonsense that was uncalled for and downright wrong. I knew it too as I kept complaining. So many times words came up – remembering of all things Job’s wife saying curse God and die. I haven’t been able to comprehend the bible, so I don’t know if that is what she said, it was though how I felt. I drudged up Job – wanting to get away fromt hat thought of how he lost everything, never a thing about how she the mother who bore children which created the family Job lost. A lot of pain to over come, more than my own night of terror. I thought – well all of it was replaced by the Lord. Is that like getting a new puppy when the old dog dies? See my mind was ugly and this hadn’t happened before.

I know that a lot of my health issues has to do with my change of life. I mean in the middle of all that pain hot flashes came in. One minute I was so hot, thought screaming was needed to release the steam building up and the next second ice-cold. Duration of the hot flashing lasted way longer over the frozen spells. And my mind moved with  each of these. During the cold regret over what I had said, mentally. During the hot spit out more. I am sure if anyone could have witnessed it I was doing an excellent impression of Linda Blair from the Exorcists.

All I can say is it’s a good thing The Lord isn’t stingy with grace and mercy because this lamb didn’t deserve it last night.


Bright and sunny day

imagesThat chill  has been lifted by such a friendly sun today. I love bright and cheery skies and it has left me light as a feather within my tired old joints. At this moment I am enjoying the freedom away from a ghastly cold front of this past month. A little blindsided for I purposely deserted my beautiful mountains community to avoid that winter breath so bitter and savage to my constitution. Lamb was very surprised by the contrast in the desert going from blazing hot summers then it relinquish itself into such a piercing cold shredding right through my clothing. Having to admit before this year did find out that this was true only I hadn’t dealt with it much – outside running from house to car then into my place of occupation or on those shopping slash chores expeditions.

But this lamb didn’t bring you here to talk about the weather. Since we are not really on one of those awkward blind dates trying to seek avenues for conversations. Actually most of the time that is how it feels when I write on here but that is outside my point because today this lamb needs to announce some pretty astounding news! My day opened up under a sun residing up there in the azure blue skies I got the much awaited email! It said that tomorrow will be the day I begin working on the script! A little scared that at any moment I will be leaving peddle rings on the floor with all of the excitement that message has created and thankfully no one is around to see it if it does happen.

In this heart o f mine know that the plot is solid. Figuring out how the movie should open is still a puzzle to be crafted. The thing is with this news it means if I don’t go and blow it that is- there will be a real live honest to goodness person to converse with! These last six months I feel as though I have been locked in solitude confinement and no longer will I be going over dialogue with my pets or for that matter a two-year old child who doesn’t have a clue anymore than the dogs and cats do. My birds do whistle once in a while but I think it’s a secret attempt to appease me. for more bird seed. My only hope is there won’t be doing any of that gushing stuff to frighten this daring human being away.

Gushing all over people isn’t my thing because I am actually reserved if looking for a good personality description, shy would follow that. It’s been a long dry spell just hope it gone for good. I can’t take any more days without contact but for this one day it doesn’t matter  – it means so much by having been given hope through a bright sunny day and a morsel of striking up a friendship in tomorrow. For now don’t think anything more needs to be requested.

At any rate I have been pondering for the days and weeks and have decided that since I rarely have good news to offer, I have decided to let this blog go. The world has too much negative energy and this lamb maybe lost doesn’t want to contribute to it any more. My quest for our Lord has been tough on this one and I do not have any answers nor has there been anything worth being given out by this lamb. Neurotic Lamb will stay active because it offers nothing to scare any believers away just an outlet so I can play with what interest me – writing, music that hasn’t even been listened to of late.  The thing is I didn’t want to let it go without thanking so many people who have stopped by – you have been wonderful! Thanking you once again with sincere gratitude I  hope every one will find so many bright and sunny days ahead.

Lost Lamb


pic by


“Oh Boy” said the Lost Lamb

Just to change things up I am starting with this silly dumb joke found on the web. It’ silly then again so can this lost lamb be just as silly and quite dumb too!

The little girl had been naughty in school. By way of punishment, she was directed by the teacher to remain in her seat after the session until she had written an original composition containing not less than fifty words. In a surprisingly short space of time, she offered the following, and was duly excused:

“I lost my kitty, and I went out and called, Come, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.”

This was selected because every single night I am outside calling with no less than fifty kitties to get the both cats indoors.

Okay so my lesson found on a website yesterday  has been dogging me and oh boy it has been done so with diligence. So where is it getting to me? Right where the author Roy Lessin spoke on how Jesus followed His Father’s guidance. Well all I can say is this lost lamb is in trouble. Not that this is news to anyone; it’s just that he did a good job summing it up by the five things he had listed. Each and every single one is exactly where I come into all kinds of assorted mischief. This list in all are the cause of completely ruining my journey on this path. Not the list but by me not following it. It has nothing to do with what I have drummed on about (hearing God, Holy Spirit.) This is honestly the small stuff as far as I am concerned. I focus on it though because it is easier to get off track that way than it is to actually be doing those five steps in the walk.

What are those five steps?

  1. Dependency on the Lord
  2. Faithfulness
  3. Obedience
  4. Motivation
  5. His Empowerment

I have trouble understanding the very last one and this lamb thinks it’s because I can’t do the other four to receive the last one where it states –

The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, for He has anointed Me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free.” Luke 4:14, 18 NLT

So okay it’s the Holy Spirit part that still has me confused. I don’t know what this is – remember how I see thinks happening as if in cartoons. I know this is just plain dumb and really don’t think it happens but somewhere feel maybe I would notice I am  not alone kind of feelings and I don’t. It is just as cold as my house is now that winter is here in the desert.

From what I can gather though in my muddle of confusion is I am not being dependant on Him our Lord. How does one be dependant, especially one one who isn’t seen nor felt?

I have trouble depending on people because basically this lost lamb has been independent since the age of six years old. I am 54 now this is not going to be done not only very willingly or met with much success. It’s not that I am not one who doesn’t trust but I do have problems when it comes to my own personal spaces like income, leaning on others when it comes to relying on them. As much as I hate being alone and have so much trouble hanging in you would think I would jump right on board with Jesus’s simple request and I do not know what will change this part after being ingrained for too many years to solely rely on myself.

Faithfulness – my beliefs in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savor has as best for me has been faithful. That is if you don’t take in account that more often than not I don’t believe it is me who gets saved. I do have serious issues with self-esteem and I do not know how to fix it either.

Since I have trouble with those two that makes obedience already dead in the water and for motivation just knowing I can’t get the others from the dependency or by not becoming frustrated in reading scripture it sinks to the bottom with the obedience so it leaves me out for reaching the empowerment phase.

So you would think it’s time to give it up? This lost lamb seems to think so and if it weren’t for me being so stubborn I would and I am not quite ready to throw that towel in. Just yet. Does stubbornness count for anything?

Sighing….. Oh boy I wonder where the next lesson will take me? Maybe this time there will be some positive news because this lamb needs it! If not I will just post only the jokes…



joke found on

Working it out so I became a thief

imagesCAQDSLBBMy how working it out has been so difficult! I remembered back in the early days which was only a few short months ago when I began my blog. When I didn’t have anything nice to say wrote scripture themselves. A few days ago which was on New Years Eve found an interesting assortment of ecards to send out through Day Springs the place I found them on. As usual for me they  wouldn’t upload like it looked like it would for my blog. These are nice ecards too if you happen to be looking for inspirational cards and gifts.

In my working it out for ecards have found out that they have at the bottom of their page daily lessons with devotions. Since I need help in this area thought maybe someone else may enjoy their lesson for today Jan. 2 so I stole this like a thief in the night – pictures and their works I am desperate these days.

This is copied and pasted from their website. I like the name of the place Meet Me in The Meadow –


Living Like Jesus In 2013

Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did. 1 John 2:6 NLT

How did Jesus live each day? Is it really possible for us to live as He lived? Here are five things to consider:

The first is His dependency.

So Jesus answered them by saying, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, the Son is able to do nothing of Himself (of His own accord); but He is able to do only what He sees the Father doing, for whatever the Father does is what the Son does in the same way. John 5:19 AMP

Jesus lived each day dependent upon His Father. He did not live independently, think independently, or act independently of His Father. He spoke what His Father wanted Him to say and He did what His Father wanted Him to do. He received from His Father all He needed for each day.

I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, apart from Me [cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing. John 15:5 AMP

We can also live each day in complete dependency upon the Lord. He is our strength, our life, our sufficiency, and He is the source of all we need.

The second is His faithfulness.

Think carefully about this Jesus whom we declare to be God’s messenger and High Priest.For He was faithful to God, who appointed Him. Hebrews 3:1-2 NLT

Jesus lived each day in faithfulness to what His Father called Him to do. Jesus stayed true to His Father’s plan and will for His life. He didn’t drift away from it or follow it half-heartedly.

‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ Matthew 25:23 NKJV

As followers of Jesus Christ we can be faithful to what God has called us to do and do His will whole-heartedly.

The third is His obedience.

“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” Luke 22:42 NKJV

Jesus lived each day in obedience to His Father’s will. Jesus not only obeyed His Father, but He obeyed Him without delay. He obeyed willingly and joyfully.

So you must live as God’s obedient children. 1 Peter 1:14 NLT

Obedience to God’s will in our lives is a choice we can make each day. As God’s children, He trains us to be obedient because He knows what is best for us. It is through our obedience that we know the meaning of a joy-filled heart and a meaningful life.

The fourth thing is His motivation.

And He who sent Me is with Me. The Father has not left Me alone, for I always do those things that please Him. John 8:29 NKJV

The reason Jesus lived the way He did was because He wanted to fully glorify and please His Father. He lived to please only His Father and have His approval.

Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him. 2 Corinthians 5:9 NKJV

The motivation of our hearts should be to please Him. There is nothing higher than that. When we live to do what is well pleasing in His sight we will know His smile of approval upon our lives.

The fifth thing is His enabling.

Then Jesus returned to Galilee, filled with the Holy Spirit’s power.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, for He has anointed Me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free.” Luke 4:14, 18 NLT

Jesus was filled with the Holy Spirit.   Jesus lived each day in the presence and the power of the Holy Spirit. All that He did in His public ministry was under the anointing and enabling of the Holy Spirit.

I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. Ezekiel 36:27 NKJV

Be filled with the Spirit. Ephesians 5:18 KJV

Since His ascension to the right hand of the Father, Jesus has made it possible for each of us to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to have His power in our lives. It is by the Holy Spirit’s presence, fullness, and power that we can walk as Jesus walked and live as Jesus lived. Ask Him now to fill you, empower you, and lead you step by step into His plan and purpose for you in 2013.


 1st pic:
2nd pic:

Happy New Years

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing

Romans 15:13 NKJV


I thought I had found the perfect card to give and it didn’t upload right. Rats ! Hate it when I find the right gift and it doesn’t work out but oh well have a wonderful New Years and do hope it is filled with joyfulness.

Love Lost Lamb