For the last two days this appears to be how I am getting through. Pictures of a life lived fully, nothing has been altered other than everything is healthier. My son doesn’t have cancer, my grand baby is doing well surrounded by loved ones. It does get fuzzy on whether her parents are involved but I am experiencing a regenerated financial transfusion and she is getting all the attention and enviroment for a proper strong hold for her mental and spiritual growth.
My mouth is doing an outstanding performance in keeping only the honest to goodness spores released. My friend calls wondering how I am doing and I have been open and giddy conversing about everything than what she is overwrought about. Is this choosing to be so blind to what has been laid at my footsteps or am I so bluntly stupid or I could take this further by being completely selfish?
Had expected to be more informed as to the prognosis of my son’s possible cancer. He did not make the appointment as assumed it would have happened two days ago. He having no more to go on is doing what I have done to perfection brooded over the what if’s. My mind was enthusiastic in coming up with all the worst scenarios. To be true to myself there is a pattern on what always did get found to be my destination, other than that most of what i lived terrified in never saw the light of day. The boogie man under my bed was just that a fable gremlins that only comes out when you are walking in the dark never leaped out to get me. The only monsters that had threatened me mortally were the ones I had conjured up. This is the place where my son is bringing into his man cave.
Offers to pry him out of this contented cave have crossed my path, and I have to say it’s tempting and it will happen by me in time and it will really have to go in a non direct method. Any attempts so far haven’t met with success. So I must rely on the strong tower and the brave arms of the Lord and stay within my blindness. Aggravation never moved me forwards, could be sublime within my rushing creative juices be what is needed? There is no missing how surprisingly at’s occuring at a time when my son is hitting a rock at the bottom of his terrain while I am mentally climbing upwards, consequences? I personally think not. I want to feel it is through a divine will to get him through all of this. That divine will must be the Lord’s because before I had no will that had him in it. I wanted him in but the fear was more my focal point and faith rested in.
This must be the part of believing with child like innocence? I kinda like it as it says “I tell you the truth anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it.” From MARK 10-15