Archive | July 2013

Flip flop? My mind flips topics like it was toilet paper!

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I have access to wifi …yippy! Now for the goodies that my mind tosses out like that stiff found beside the commode. This lamb can go controversal by digging into the heaviest of them abortion, gay marriage or which way to put up the rolls of paper towels. Do I want others to tear the sheets from the top or from underneath?

Or should I jump into the political debates? Oh boy tough one, huh? Medical coverage for everyone or not? I’ll admit it I do want coverage for all Americans but should I trust politicians with my well being? No one in any party has given me much to rave about when it comes to their performances. So yeah as much as I welcomed the discussion I have since ran away with my tail betwern my legs. This debate can go forever and this lamb would flip her mind a dozen more times.

Well what about taxes and edication? So what have I done with taxes and a childs education could keep any one armed paper hanger busier thane ever. More taxes? Nope they didn’t do so well with what they got why hand over hard  more earned bills? This could be one of the few subjects that has not changed sides. Monies easy like that you know; where schools and government involvement can get complicated real fast. Schools being funded without hestitation needs to be number one. These kids are this country’s future and somehow they get lost in the numbers game. If I had to raise my sons all over again home schooling and working with satellite programs would be my choice. This is a complete change over! Before I worried about social interaction that I closed off a world of possibilities leaving my boys with a government education. Now this isn’t all bad don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with schools especially if the parent is well versed in the curriculum and get in up to their elbows. I wasn’t. I was shy my sons needed more attention teacher changes etc and I wasn’t formable enough to assert those changes for my own children. Today my cares are more about what kinds of morality are they teaching?

Morality wow biggest of the biggest and I have mauled over changed twisted until I couldn’t even today explain what my morals are. As a teenager spoke eagerly with enthusiasm on the topic. Today I tippy toe. I have convictions mind you just more inclined to not hurt anothers sensitivities. For what I do have sums it up each of us will one day stand before the Lord. We will all have sinned; we will be very dirty in his eyes and our own. We will be frightfully ashamed and yet for those who love Christ Jesus he removes all that filth! I think that is pretty dang awesome! Don’t you think so too?

So my aim is to never flip flop like I have with worldly subjects when it comes to my heart and His love for each of us. Dirty, disoriented, we lost and go astray so easily and he still gave His all for you and me.

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Good Evening

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This has been a strange not bad mind you kind of day. Sun was out though we traveled through some treacherous weather, like narrowly missing Ohio’s wind tearing up roofs, rearranging corn fields. If that wasn’t enough for Ohioians rivers were running pretty darn high. We dropped our load
in Illinois then we were routed for Scaramento dashing on rainy highways and a blast of more wind looking mysteriously like a tornado. I’ll admit after  experiencing  Oklahoma City I can be sensitive make that closer to paranoid when the winds scream by my way.

But I didn’t jump on here to discuss the weather. I came here because well I don’t know.  See it all started by reading my little daily scripture. You know those ones that pop up in your phone app and it  ususally brightens the day by having for those few seconds of reading be about something other than yourself. I’m not looking at bills that I can’t pay, wasn’t reading Facebook or WordPress where I enjoy until the overwhelming saddness of not always being able to connect. In this big world with all the technology designed just to keep us in connection that I should have a lose of this nature. Then that’s me and same goes for what brought me here….my instruction today was on listening to the Lords voice. Why does it always come to the one thing I cannot hear?
I hum along okay not bad then soneone throws a snag where I stumble. Listening and hearing which takes me to trusting the Lords plans for me. I am sitting inside a truck unbathe from the last four days refusing to have our tractor towed (grease and gunk most likely hub grease all over the braking system ) because this will keep me longer from that shower I have begging for all day. By the way I have not arrived as of yet.

Was this trucking in his plans? Or am I a bad listener? To me it was a line on an unemployment form nothing more nothing less. Did I need the job? Yes sirre I did! Then again thought it paid better than minimum wage. We are making way less. On this part not questioning I may not hear so well but can do sone decent guess work. My conclusion is being totally dependent on Him…maybe I’m wrong or I could have nailed it. Still doesn’t answer my why the trucking?

Why trucking? See I can’t get away from asking! At first thought this was like trying to get out if the boat. Not a dip my toe to see if the temps are good for a dip. Nope! This was yank that boat right out from under. Soon I had nothing tbat was safe familuar. Not one person not a scent of home to be found.

A few people were introduced and that my friends was a blast. I mean I loved it and all too soon we left our school to spread wings out on the open road. Sadness crept in. I had my trainer quite awkward hopping on board of a cab a place we work sleep and eat in. I had become his housequest. Awkward! I say again.

My salvation was meeting my codriver. He texted phoned talked for hours. My heart made a return trip to my youth with his constant attention. Most men don’t give me the time a day like the last guy. Since I have been divorced 30 years have dated less than a handfull. I do need attention, my dogs need attention, my cats and my birds crave attention so why should I go without? Is this part of God’s plan? Anyone Christian would say no. I on the other hand can’t cope any longer with being single.

My mind asks “If I didn’t take the call for trucking I wouldn’t have met him” . I asked for what to happen to be of his will. Am I here of my own will or his? How does one know?
Night fall…

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When the cloak of darkness comes the questions pour in. There are no sunlight or other distractions blocking the unanswerable mysteries. The silence of night time, fainted by distance television  from homes a horn honks on the highway too softly to interrupt my thoughts. The air is cool not cold no wind  tossing in my hair (dirty hair mind you) so this is a good night. We made it with a blown hub seal we are both alive and well, so maybe we can find out tomorrow or the next day what the Lord’s plans are for us.

For those of you hace a good night and pleasant dreams. I think I hear my shower calling.

Good Evening

This has been a strange not bad mind you kind of day. Sun was out though we traveled through some treacherous weather, like narrowly missing Ohio’s wind tearing up roofs, rearranging corn fields. If that wasn’t enough for Ohioians rivers were running pretty darn high. We dropped our load
in Illinois then we were routed for Scaramento dashing on rainy highways and a blast of more wind looking mysteriously like a tornado. I’ll admit after  experiencing  Oklahoma City I can be sensitive make that closer to paranoid when the winds scream by my way.

But I didn’t jump on here to discuss the weather. I came here because well I don’t know.  See it all started by reading my little daily scripture. You know those ones that pop up in your phone app and it  ususally brightens the day by having for those few seconds of reading be about something other than yourself. I’m not looking at bills that I can’t pay, wasn’t reading Facebook or WordPress where I enjoy until the overwhelming saddness of not always being able to connect. In this big world with all the technology designed just to keep us in connection that I should have a lose of this nature. Then that’s me and same goes for what brought me here….my instruction today was on listening to the Lords voice. Why does it always come to the one thing I cannot hear?
I hum along okay not bad then soneone throws a snag where I stumble. Listening and hearing which takes me to trusting the Lords plans for me. I am sitting inside a truck unbathe from the last four days refusing to have our tractor towed (grease and gunk most likely hub grease all over the braking system ) because this will keep me longer from that shower I have begging for all day. By the way I have not arrived as of yet.

Was this trucking in his plans? Or am I a bad listener? To me it was a line on an unemployment form nothing more nothing less. Did I need the job? Yes sirre I did! Then again thought it paid better than minimum wage. We are making way less. On this part not questioning I may not hear so well but can do sone decent guess work. My conclusion is being totally dependent on Him…maybe I’m wrong or I could have nailed it. Still doesn’t answer my why the trucking?

Why trucking? See I can’t get away from asking! At first thought this was like trying to get out if the boat. Not a dip my toe to see if the temps are good for a dip. Nope! This was yank that boat right out from under. Soon I had nothing tbat was safe familuar. Not one person not a scent of home to be found.

A few people were introduced and that my friends was a blast. I mean I loved it and all too soon we left our school to spread wings out on the open road. Sadness crept in. I had my trainer quite awkward hopping on board of a cab a place we work sleep and eat in. I had become his housequest. Awkward! I say again.

My salvation was meeting my codriver. He texted phoned talked for hours. My heart made a return trip to my youth with his constant attention. Most men don’t give me the time a day like the last guy. Since I have been divorced 30 years have dated less than a handfull. I do need attention, my dogs need attention, my cats and my birds crave attention so why should I go without? Is this part of God’s plan? Anyone Christian would say no. I on the other hand can’t cope any longer with being single.

My mind asks “If I didn’t take the call for trucking I wouldn’t have met him” . I asked for what to happen to be of his will. Am I here of my own will or his? How does one know?
Night fall…

image

When the cloak of darkness comes the questions pour in. There are no sunlight or other distractions blocking the unanswerable mysteries. The silence of night time, fainted by distance television  from homes a horn honks on the highway too softly to interrupt my thoughts. The air is cool not cold no wind  tossing in my hair (dirty hair mind you) so this is a good night. We made it with a blown hub seal we are both alive and well, so maybe we can find out tomorrow or the next day what the Lord’s plans are for us.

For those of you hace a good night and pleasant dreams. I think I hear my shower calling.