Archive | August 2013

Mindscape

Time to make our voices heard. No is no! Right?

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Mystery in light

I had plannned writing using light as my subject matter. Really was excited needed to write nut yhis cell tapping drained all enthusiasm to complete the task. I have however been playing with the camera on my phone. For what reasons may be flowers turn out awesome all else not do fantastic.

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Most of these I am trying to capture the light

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Daphne here just because I think she’s too cute

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This last is my favorite really liked the boldness of the hues.

Thank you I really did like your blogs

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Getting onto WordPress I find to be one of lifes little treats. You know the rootbeer float shared with a close friend or the sound of your granchild’s giggles. No matter my mood my granbaby’s chuckles will lift me up as well as does a  visit with a buddy. WordPress makes an excellent substitute out on the road so far away from family and friends.

My only qualm is this all I do is through a phone. Awesome to realize just how much a simple cell phone can handle. Limitations are decreasing daily so given it’s short comings these issues are around a corner to evaporate.

About these limitations of using a cell phone which is slight is still inconvenient for me. See I can’t follow new blogs and there are alot of times  my ‘like’ responces will not work.

This seem trival considering I could have nothing at all. I could keep on ignoring impulses to respond them again I know how bloggers are serious, thoughtful in taking painstaking effort to place a best foot forward. Their hearts and mind hold an inkly of hope that this crafted idea or story will connect with their reader.  This is the disappointment for me to not be able to return a like and its a further drag to not be able to find more tidbits through following.

As  far as my new venture in life these items repeat themselves and not just in writing. They are in my thoughts, and in my heart of emotions . Its just a few words but they are rolled over and over and one of them is this..Missing.

A sad little  word that’s tainting what should be satisfying emotional reasoning yet missing leaves my state dissatisfied when the end of day is replayed at bedtime. Missing means I can’t be with my family, missing friends I haven’t seen,  missing the  WordPress world by not connecting as I feel I should. I haven’t seen trodtrippin she a fantastic photographer, motherhood is an art, my kids sure they are all grown up but she makes laugh recalling her tales. I thought for a few years I’d never make it but here I am and all intack too. There are so many to list each would take more than this phone can handle.

One blogger has reminded along with so many others is this word. Its small in ways but carries power over the negative effects of the world. Grateful. …So this  needs to be pulled out not just for refection periodically I must remind my heart to be that always counting my blessings.

Even as I sit in this yard after taking a trailer full of lettuce to WalMart before the sun rose tired with that lettuce still filling up my reefer. Its there because tbey are in boxes not plastic trays. So what happens to all this food? Will it remain there until it rots? So I rapidly forget grateful and dwell on that other word – missing. Only if it were solely about those missing meals. No nothing that forthright it’s more about what I feel entitled to! Completely forgetting  that I  have a codriver a partner where before there wasn’t anyone there., working yes it may not be what I want it is a job.

Such effort to keep trying to rebel against my ugly nature. Though I may not understand why I am a long haul driver or if this is all apart of God’s plan. My mind can’t wrap around saying constantly ‘ A trucker seriously is apart of God’s will?’ It’s all hard to say but being grateful I know is the whole reasoning for my life or anyones I presume on this of course.

Somehow I must be thankful for all of His works even when the tides are against me. This is the area I need to dig in deeper for corrections. In writing this it all has this proper sound all the while the inner battle rages that I want it all.

So where does WordPress fit onto all of this? I miss you all as much as my family friends. I see you as apart of my friends as I sit sipping a cup of tea reading your stories, tales of parenting, what happened at work, the best parts are always ones about how you  made it through  hurdles. Some of you express how problem solving prayers work  and if not found peace anyways during trials. Some of you have quick wits getting several chuckles rolling up from my gut. I miss you the bloggers I had become do dependant on for sanity sakes.

The best way I know to pass along a thank you is by clicking on the like button. That seems to not work lately and getting my wifi to open this refreshing stop is a task in itself.  So here it is thank ypu for all you bloggers do. I love your intellect, the ability to share mishaps, ideas and ideology, recipes for cooking and for dealing with life. Brave ones have followed me and thYou hand out more than words on a screen your the laughter roaring from my belly the teardrop in empathy just a neat little niche to escape to. Thank you!
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Thank you I really do like your nlogs

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A few places are worth getting onto and one of them is WordPress. I find this to be one of those little treats in life. You know the rootbeer float shared with a close friend or the sound of your granchild’s giggles. No matter my mood my granbaby’s chuckles will lift me up as well as does a  visit with a buddy. WordPress makes an excellent substitute out on the road so far away from family and friends.

My only qualm is this all I do is through a phone. Awesome to realize just how much a simple cell phone can handle. Limitations are decreasing daily so given it’s short comings these issues are around a corner to evaporate.

About these limitations of using a cell phone which is slight is still inconvenient for me. See I can’t follow new blogs and there are alot of times  my ‘like’ responces will not work.

This seem trival considering I could have nothing at all. I could keep on ignoring impulses to respond then again I know how bloggers are serious, thoughtful in taking painstaking efforts to place a best foot forward. Their hearts and mind hold an inkly of hope that this crafted idea or story will connect with readers. This is the disappointment for me to not be able to return a like and its a further drag to not be able to find more tidbits through following.

As  far as my new venture in life these items repeat themselves and not just in writing. They are in my thoughts, and in my heart of emotions . Its just a few words but they are rolled over and over and one of them is this..Missing.

A sad little  word that’s tainting what should be satisfying emotional reasoning yet missing leaves my state dissatified when the end of day is replayed at bedtime. Missing means I can’t be with my family, missing equals to the  friends I haven’t seen,  missing the  WordPress world by not connecting as I feel I should.

I haven’t seen trodtrippin she a fantastic photographer, motherhood is an art, my kids sure they are all grown up but she makes laugh recalling her tales. I thought for a few years I’d never make it but here I am and all intack too. There are so many to list each would take more than this phone can handle.

One blogger has reminded along with so many others is this word. Its small in ways but carries power over the negative effects of the world. Grateful. …So this  needs to be pulled out not just for refection periodically I must remind my heart to be that always counting my blessings.

Even as I sit in this yard after taking a trailer full of lettuce to WalMart before the sun rose tired with that lettuce still filling up my reefer. Its there because tbey are in boxes not on plastic trays. So what happens to all this food? Will it remain there until it rots? So I rapidly forget grateful and dwell on that other word – missing. Only if it were solely about those missing meals. No nothing that forthright it’s more about what I feel entitled to! Completely forgetting  that I  have a codriver a partner where before there wasn’t anyone there., working yes it may not be what I want it is a job which does mean my bills aren’t exactly paid but I do not miss out on too many meals.

Such effort to keep trying to rebel against my ugly nature. Though I may not understand why I am a long haul driver or if this is all apart of God’s plan. My mind can’t wrap around saying constantly ‘ A trucker seriously is apart of God’s will?’ It’s all hard to say but being grateful I know is the whole reasoning for my life or anyones I presume on this of course.

Somehow I must be thankful for all of His works even when the tides are against me as they are now. This is the area I need to dig in deeper for corrections. In writing this it all has this proper sound all the while the inner battle rages that I want it all.

So where does WordPress fit onto all of this? I miss you all as much as my family and friends. I see you as apart of my friends as I sit sipping a cup of tea reading your stories, tales of parenting, what happened at work, the best parts are always ones about how you  made it through  hurdles. Some of you express how problem solving prayers work  and if not found peace anyways during trials. Some of you have quick wits getting several chuckles rolling up from my gut. I miss you the bloggers I had become so dependant on for sanity sakes.

The best way I know to pass along a thank you is by clicking on the like button. That seems to not work lately and getting my wifi to open this refreshing stop is a task in itself.  So here it is thank ypu for all you bloggers do. I love your intellect, the ability to share mishaps, ideas and ideology, recipes for cooking and for dealing with life. Some have followed me and they are very brave indeed, thank you.

You the blogger hand out more than words on a screen your the laughter roaring from my belly the teardrop in empathy. I find this to be a neat little niche to escape to. Thank you to you all!

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Sitting with triple j

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Good afternoon to those who’ve crossed this path as I squat temporaily seeking refudge from this rediculously sultry humidity in the big state of Texas. Don’t get me wrong I like Texas, like the people, the scenic highway even as it unfolds for miles beneath my eighteen wheels. What I don’t care for is how the air wraps around in ways a damp warmed over sweater does. A wet stinky dog could be applicable yet this idea doesn’t suit me mostly because I love dogs. I love all kinds of dogs, shaggy wet smelly ones it doesn’t matter when they rush up with enthusiasm for hugs. This air has nothing in common with fun loving canines so it holds no love in it’s arms. This air that can be cut with a dull knife only wants to strangle their prey. As an over the hill hot flashing woman this stuff  delights in my misery. This is why I’m huddled in a  tractor’s cab begging and prodding an air conditioner to keep going.

For those who may or may not know anout big rigs they have an optimized idol to keep the engine running so that such things as air conditioning, electrical devices keep working. Without this fundamental idoling truckers would perish under a baking sun. Cab’s housing and shape msle for fantastic ovens! Even if that sun doesn’t appear to be all that close to most will still simmer a trucker like a over cooked piece of steak, well done. In recent years the trucking industry has developed a nifty device called an APU. This is a plug in to elevate idling. This wonderful technology as cool as it is only costs nine gran making for few companies to be willing to purchase. I look at this recent fuel receipt scratching my head on  why not? It smarts my head ackes with thought, suddenly the answer comes if I owed this small company and if I took that figure of  nine grand times it by 10 trucks – that is alot of dough!

Being frugal to a certain point I try to make do letting the engine knock itself out. ..thirty seconds. forty seconds …oh lord sixty seconds! A full minute,  sweat is beading up on my body, now its dripping my hand is lunging for keys at the ignition.  I hear the thunder of a tractor’s diesel engine oh how good it feels with a refreshing breeze. Ah this is so soothing it  has halted my tacky sweat beads as my behind settles back into a seat. I stay close right in the drivers seat because it will go off this truck  did not come with an optimize idol system.

Dealing with heat, loosing all reality of dates, time are just a few one gives up when taking such a position as a professional driver. I on the other hand I do not consider myself a professional driver and even further away in hearing trucker as part of my identity. I’m here by filling in a line on an unemployment form, an accident by running out of places to apply. The darn thing is that company said yes! My life what I used to know has been stripped away, gone is anything and everything that holds comfort. No more are there safe zones to hide behind, no walls, no covers to pull up over my head. I sleep on a bed that actually slams me down with enough force that my whole body gets lifted by three inches before the crash. My head throbs from a fierce battle it takes to get sleep. It maybe good training if a need to  change fields comes around. Maybe the world will soon be ready for a middle aged female wrestler? Just saying no one knows what kind of ring one can get these days. Incase it does come I hope that call is missed!

Speaking of calls I think this will be a thorn to content with for a long way too long for these weak nerves to bear. I haven’t with any success understood what it sounds like to get a call from the Lord. Is there a definite rings like trumpets playing? I think it sneaks up like ghost in comical movies. Picture Costello in the invisible man film. Lou suspects hes got someone Bud tells hom he’s being silly, a game I play on solitare. Just like this trucking business it seems to have ear marks of the Lord whenever which is constantly that pondering Peter getting out of the boat in a storm. An obsession slash hobby by picturing him getting out of that boat. I swore that I couldn’t do that.

Water I am terrified of and well scary is just plain scary. I don’t do horror movies, too frightening for me. I don’t walk into a room full of strangers all bubbly running up introducing myself. These people strangers are scary! Not only is ghe one who does run up so are the rest and why? Don’t know myself but there they are everywhere I go….strangers… rooms loaded down with human beings I haven’t ever met before.

Humm..all the other comforts zipped away completely out of reach as I cry into my mattress. I’d say pillow if I had one to cry into but nope there’s no pillow to hold my tears. Thankfully there’s a partner in my misery, but still I try to keep tears to a
minimum. A tractor is such a small space that tears take up to much to hold. Got to be joyful otherwise misery breeds.

Anything negative takes flight with little effort where positive energy takes alot of work. Why is that? Bad is so easy to cultivate where good is not natural.

This guy is pretty special, not in the reference people often snicker of today. This is the old fashion terminology as a good thing. He’s patient overlooking as gears grind when I’m nervous ( which is all the time because I HATE driving) this guy actually thinks I’m pretty his words are sexy he thinks I am sexy did you catch that? And yes he needs his prescription glasses repaired. I cannot ever remember someone thinking I was someone special. So why do I want to run away?

My legs like my heart want to run hard and so far that I actually took steps to do so in Denver, in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska, Portland and in Punxstwaney Pa. I came back, he waited smiling removing a tear from my face.

He’s not perfect like who is?. He grew up in city with gangs while I realize in his stories how close to Mayberry I had grown up  in. He fought for what he got even as a eight year old, retelling of a baby sitter whose husband was a hells angel. My guy the child got beat up, her answer was to supply him with a bike chain and orders to not come back until he nailed the kid with it. Being tough seems necessary where he was and he still is working very hard to not be that person any more.

He’s not afraid of changes and he’s embracing this lifestyle like it were made for him. This is the thing it’s not. He may like driving, we all like driving, a truck is another animal. He has little patience for traffic that city driving pulls the old beast from him. When I’m up he works on it shoving it down like a bad pill, when I’m asleep he’s a firey dragon and forget about schedule changes they rattle the tigers cage.

I can handle other drivers, city or not unless I need to make a lane change. It’s not others its me terrified of flattening those around. Forget backing I am so fearful of hurting someone that I can’t do it . Personally think he is too but men won’t say so.

This man likes regime but in todays world its hard to hold on to what you know. He’s a plumber a fix it guy and companies want cheap labor, a man with fifteen years experience costs which is why he’s driving. We’re both new so we cost less than one real driver.

Funny I began the last patagraph about him taking to this driving then went into the opposite direction. Okay its not the driving that lulls him its the deversion from unemployment and all that comes with it. I know as a woman it chewed up what little self esteem there was so it had to have done the same if not more so because he had made a real wage.  I never really made good money but he did. I wanted the confidence seen in people who did, that kind of sensation  was always out of my reach. Came close once, it didn’t last long but that brush felt so good it wasn’t forgotten.

Good things don’t seem to last either. Not to be pessimistic  I do take note of the wild flowers growing along side country roads I must have a hundred photos of these beautiful creations of the Lord’s. Delicate and gorgeous that they are really do not bring on a good dose of confidence or pay my bills. I notice the line up in stars and how peaceful a night sky has in charactor I have also seen them angry as the Missouri sky two nights ago, also experienced Oklahoma’s tornadoes that caused damages. Since I have been on this road there have been  assortment of dangers: fires, winds, rains. My financial problems have magnified with the same severity of them wrecking holes into what’s left of mine to destroy.

In my readings have read the best way to stop it is to go along by submitting to the elements. If I burn my hand on a hot pot do I put my hand back? No! Not unless I’m an  idiot and here I sit in a parking lot of a Flying J’s huddled in a cab influenced to stay put by a seductive air conditioner and to avoid what I know smells of urine. This nast order lingers on the outside of my door because male drivers will pee anywhere even when a place provides nice clean restrooms.

This where he my partner and I differ in trucking. He can pee into a cup I can’t however with me around he does reframe from lifting his leg like the other pack of dogs do so he does the humanly thing by using public restrooms. I seem to remember when fearing that too, public potties were uugh awful now I glorfy their convenience to the point of worshipping and praying to God with heartfelt thanks.  Speaking of which I must go visit them now.
My partner’s cheese for the camera.

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I don’t know much except for this one thing I could not drive this truck if it weren’t for Jesus’s protection.

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One more reason on why I hate driving…no Riley Roos

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