It hadn’t ocurred to this day on how much I miss reading the daily posts as I worked at my own blogs. I’ve said a thing or two before as well as whole postings of missing out also; this my web friends is sitting deeper into my being. Now I really don’t want to get into my whole sour attitude of truck driving, personally tired of the subject and complaining has not solved my issues. Big but, but here it is I miss being an active part of Word Press as much as I miss my family out here on the road.

Once in a great while I get to view a post or too and when I do it makes my brain do something it doesn’t get too often….think. Wow its like a true blessing unknown to most, reading? Well it is for this lamb. Some of you challenge me with ideas, my position on moral values, political, then there’s simple notions on living, designing and fashion, not only do I like this feel its needed too.

Well at any rate I struggle daily with my walk towards the Lord, seems my time with Word Press helped since my block head is to hard headed to grasp the Bible. I know this walk isn’t easy for anyone but it seems that many do so much better and it looks really good on them too. They seem to be tailored made like a fitted suit or dress on a model. As a small person clothes rarely look of proper fit on me and with time my fight to keep weight on reversed itself to now I am losing the battle of the bulge and truck driving does not help! So my walk resembles an ill fitted suit. I am afraid of what a sight I must be for The Lord.

Embarrassed by my walk I say too much and not enough of the right words. Sometimes I feel as though my break through would come at the time of discovering a purpose to my life. I felt blogging was part of that purpose then it was taken away. So review was needed and I wasn’t balanced, more time on blogging than on The Lord. I didn’t say much on Him not because  I knew nothing to say. So many unanswered questiond and expectations on what I thought I was to feel and experience, these still remain my trouble. So I press on.

In the meantime had a great conversation with my oldest son. We don’t get to speak with each other very often and this was one of those special moments I will hang on to for a long, long time. It was Thanksgiving Day, I had awaken in tears hating my life completely. Love my partner love my two dogs on the road with me but I cannot handle missing my family and friends. I now have no home to call home a fresh wound to get over do I moped the day of thanks. I beat myself up wishing I could give a honest thank you for my Lord. It wasn’t there to give. I said my thanks for the day that comes it will be real, this was when I was able reach my son Steffan.

My son is an interesting man who fulfilled my desire for strong independant thinkers. He is quirky, fun, caring individual as he should be. This wasn’t the conversation his strenghts it was his fortune in being able to prosper in todays world if commerce. He found out what he’s good at, loves doing it and as the saying goes money has followed. It’s not a ton but he can keep his roof over his head. This is the thing I heard through the cell, it wasn’t his wealth ( none there) it was his confidence his soul purpose as he gets to use his hands to create products people want. This seemingly simple line of work connects him with others around the globe. He’s happy, his life is not perfect, he’s going through a divorce he did not want been in two bad motorcycle accidents yet these set backs haven’t held him back. He’s doing what he loves.

Our conversation took to higher ground proving to me again how I got lucky in raising my boys, he spoke about the need for Americans to buy from the small shops over these ruthless corporate places. Most smaller establishments provide a good product over cheaply made goods giant box dealers have. This my partner and I have been trying to do our best on. Having a truck (another thorn in my side) only allows us to do business where we can park. My plans of being better person fails.

However on the few occasions  we have been able to dine in mom and pop establishments, talk about getting your dollars worth. Food was delicious and comforting and serve was friendly. Now in most places I patronize service is very good it feels more personable in the smaller diners is all.
I also unknowingly hadn’t known that ourside the state of California that the tipped workers made so little. I am appalled by this news!

Being on the road I see tons of stuff but getting involved doesn’t come with trucking; isolated into a small cab is all the experience has. One thing I do see is multitudes of chain restaurants. There’s a Cracker Barrel and Waffle House on every street corner through out these United States all except for California. I scratched head wondering why not California? Well I found out why no Cracker Barrels so I am assuming Waffle Houses have the same reasoning and it this! Are you ready? They will not pay California’s wage requirement! Can you believe that? I am disgusted my their values that my very hard earned dollars will never ever be handed over to them.

Think of the greedy Wal Marts and other insitutions we patronize on how they are doing everything they can to cut out the American citizens from earning a decent income. Just the other day had heard through the CB radio that they were doing the same in trucking. Companies are hiring foreign laborers giving them trucks and fuel backed by the US government where they receive a cash bknus for doing this just so these truckers can run cheaper than citizens if this country.

So unknowingly I have helped these cut throats to succeed. All of us could make money hand over fists if we were not paying wages…This us the bottom line, how do we stop this and save the United States of America at the same time?

I may not know how to create a healthy relationship with anyone including the one I want – with my Lord, I can’t handle my line of work  or how to get out of it and have not idea what my purpose is but this I can do and its this….keep as much of money away from greedy bastards. No more dining in places that refused to go into California. Staying away from Wal Marts is tough they allows trucks in their lots but when ever possbile my dollars will go eslewhere.

Please for the love of God and America this Christmas season shop small.


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