Tag Archive | choices

Choices

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I have been gone a long time,to the point it was forgotten that these paths were crossed before. Word Press is and has always been a great affair, one of my favorites in looking through the follies. Days and nights have gone by in a blur with the way this world works at keeping it hectic, Word Press is a blessing. When I was involved I’d carve out a piece of quiet and type my thoughts, like now.

In my office the phones are quiet (yes by the way I did find a away off that truck and not a moment too soon might I add!) my phone gave this little whistle yesterday. I answered a few calls with curiosity on what was being brought to my attention. Business had to be taken care of and in it’s course the little tune was forgotten. Today’is quiet, a pin could be heard descending to the floor. That tune played it again and there it was Word Press. The joy in seeing those two little words! Then finding out that someone found my blogs? A treat to a quiet world, just me and the clock ticking. Naturally given nothing better I jumped at the chance to see what was read, Hearing Deficit.

Yes Word Press was good therapy and it is also a place to remember where you were. I am so much further than where I was then but some how have gotten so much closer to God. The truck did offer shelter but little else. The idea of having a partner was exciting until I counted costs, this didn’t even dawn on me until the other day. That temporary fix was nothing more than a placebo. Just like Our Lord foretold,the side effects were worst than ever imagined.

All that was wanted was love, to be acknowledged that I could be alive as it’s sold in movies and commercials. Even I who is currently working on a second script leave out unpleasant scenes for time sake and the knowledge that movie goers go for escaping into a world totally unlike their own. Truth we don’t want, fantasy is desirable and that was what I wanted.

Satan lies so well doesn’t he? It seems like a reasonable choice, trade in loneliness to get someone at your side. There would be no price paid if anything the offering would be worth so much more. Tired alone, plunged for the love, Satan snickers while I began to pay the bills for sin.

I had heard of Satan ever since the days as a Catholic school girl, pictures of him are scary. As an adult told he’s really rather handsome and slick with the sales pitch. Thought his spiel would be recognizable and it would be a lie if I said I didn’t recognize it; it was just my desperation winning out is all.

Today, yes I am tired and I have fallen further than imaginable but I am no longer desperate, Jesus took care of that! Now I look forward to what else He can fix. Jesus is the Lord and Savior to little lambs as me and it’s a good thing He’s strong, attentive and patient. There’s a lot of work for Him to do in this Lost Lamb.

There is is also truth in what’s said about Lambs. They do not survive well on their own, yet I’d rather be a lamb at my Saviors side than a lion on his own. Beside male lion given a choice will eat their own young.

Good Evening

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This has been a strange not bad mind you kind of day. Sun was out though we traveled through some treacherous weather, like narrowly missing Ohio’s wind tearing up roofs, rearranging corn fields. If that wasn’t enough for Ohioians rivers were running pretty darn high. We dropped our load
in Illinois then we were routed for Scaramento dashing on rainy highways and a blast of more wind looking mysteriously like a tornado. I’ll admit after  experiencing  Oklahoma City I can be sensitive make that closer to paranoid when the winds scream by my way.

But I didn’t jump on here to discuss the weather. I came here because well I don’t know.  See it all started by reading my little daily scripture. You know those ones that pop up in your phone app and it  ususally brightens the day by having for those few seconds of reading be about something other than yourself. I’m not looking at bills that I can’t pay, wasn’t reading Facebook or WordPress where I enjoy until the overwhelming saddness of not always being able to connect. In this big world with all the technology designed just to keep us in connection that I should have a lose of this nature. Then that’s me and same goes for what brought me here….my instruction today was on listening to the Lords voice. Why does it always come to the one thing I cannot hear?
I hum along okay not bad then soneone throws a snag where I stumble. Listening and hearing which takes me to trusting the Lords plans for me. I am sitting inside a truck unbathe from the last four days refusing to have our tractor towed (grease and gunk most likely hub grease all over the braking system ) because this will keep me longer from that shower I have begging for all day. By the way I have not arrived as of yet.

Was this trucking in his plans? Or am I a bad listener? To me it was a line on an unemployment form nothing more nothing less. Did I need the job? Yes sirre I did! Then again thought it paid better than minimum wage. We are making way less. On this part not questioning I may not hear so well but can do sone decent guess work. My conclusion is being totally dependent on Him…maybe I’m wrong or I could have nailed it. Still doesn’t answer my why the trucking?

Why trucking? See I can’t get away from asking! At first thought this was like trying to get out if the boat. Not a dip my toe to see if the temps are good for a dip. Nope! This was yank that boat right out from under. Soon I had nothing tbat was safe familuar. Not one person not a scent of home to be found.

A few people were introduced and that my friends was a blast. I mean I loved it and all too soon we left our school to spread wings out on the open road. Sadness crept in. I had my trainer quite awkward hopping on board of a cab a place we work sleep and eat in. I had become his housequest. Awkward! I say again.

My salvation was meeting my codriver. He texted phoned talked for hours. My heart made a return trip to my youth with his constant attention. Most men don’t give me the time a day like the last guy. Since I have been divorced 30 years have dated less than a handfull. I do need attention, my dogs need attention, my cats and my birds crave attention so why should I go without? Is this part of God’s plan? Anyone Christian would say no. I on the other hand can’t cope any longer with being single.

My mind asks “If I didn’t take the call for trucking I wouldn’t have met him” . I asked for what to happen to be of his will. Am I here of my own will or his? How does one know?
Night fall…

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When the cloak of darkness comes the questions pour in. There are no sunlight or other distractions blocking the unanswerable mysteries. The silence of night time, fainted by distance television  from homes a horn honks on the highway too softly to interrupt my thoughts. The air is cool not cold no wind  tossing in my hair (dirty hair mind you) so this is a good night. We made it with a blown hub seal we are both alive and well, so maybe we can find out tomorrow or the next day what the Lord’s plans are for us.

For those of you hace a good night and pleasant dreams. I think I hear my shower calling.

Good Evening

This has been a strange not bad mind you kind of day. Sun was out though we traveled through some treacherous weather, like narrowly missing Ohio’s wind tearing up roofs, rearranging corn fields. If that wasn’t enough for Ohioians rivers were running pretty darn high. We dropped our load
in Illinois then we were routed for Scaramento dashing on rainy highways and a blast of more wind looking mysteriously like a tornado. I’ll admit after  experiencing  Oklahoma City I can be sensitive make that closer to paranoid when the winds scream by my way.

But I didn’t jump on here to discuss the weather. I came here because well I don’t know.  See it all started by reading my little daily scripture. You know those ones that pop up in your phone app and it  ususally brightens the day by having for those few seconds of reading be about something other than yourself. I’m not looking at bills that I can’t pay, wasn’t reading Facebook or WordPress where I enjoy until the overwhelming saddness of not always being able to connect. In this big world with all the technology designed just to keep us in connection that I should have a lose of this nature. Then that’s me and same goes for what brought me here….my instruction today was on listening to the Lords voice. Why does it always come to the one thing I cannot hear?
I hum along okay not bad then soneone throws a snag where I stumble. Listening and hearing which takes me to trusting the Lords plans for me. I am sitting inside a truck unbathe from the last four days refusing to have our tractor towed (grease and gunk most likely hub grease all over the braking system ) because this will keep me longer from that shower I have begging for all day. By the way I have not arrived as of yet.

Was this trucking in his plans? Or am I a bad listener? To me it was a line on an unemployment form nothing more nothing less. Did I need the job? Yes sirre I did! Then again thought it paid better than minimum wage. We are making way less. On this part not questioning I may not hear so well but can do sone decent guess work. My conclusion is being totally dependent on Him…maybe I’m wrong or I could have nailed it. Still doesn’t answer my why the trucking?

Why trucking? See I can’t get away from asking! At first thought this was like trying to get out if the boat. Not a dip my toe to see if the temps are good for a dip. Nope! This was yank that boat right out from under. Soon I had nothing tbat was safe familuar. Not one person not a scent of home to be found.

A few people were introduced and that my friends was a blast. I mean I loved it and all too soon we left our school to spread wings out on the open road. Sadness crept in. I had my trainer quite awkward hopping on board of a cab a place we work sleep and eat in. I had become his housequest. Awkward! I say again.

My salvation was meeting my codriver. He texted phoned talked for hours. My heart made a return trip to my youth with his constant attention. Most men don’t give me the time a day like the last guy. Since I have been divorced 30 years have dated less than a handfull. I do need attention, my dogs need attention, my cats and my birds crave attention so why should I go without? Is this part of God’s plan? Anyone Christian would say no. I on the other hand can’t cope any longer with being single.

My mind asks “If I didn’t take the call for trucking I wouldn’t have met him” . I asked for what to happen to be of his will. Am I here of my own will or his? How does one know?
Night fall…

image

When the cloak of darkness comes the questions pour in. There are no sunlight or other distractions blocking the unanswerable mysteries. The silence of night time, fainted by distance television  from homes a horn honks on the highway too softly to interrupt my thoughts. The air is cool not cold no wind  tossing in my hair (dirty hair mind you) so this is a good night. We made it with a blown hub seal we are both alive and well, so maybe we can find out tomorrow or the next day what the Lord’s plans are for us.

For those of you hace a good night and pleasant dreams. I think I hear my shower calling.